A RINTORI AU COLLECTION

Nitori's Destruction and Salvation

Author: amcc1221

At first, Nitori thought that everything was going to change after that.

"Ai."

It had been the first time Rin had called him that. It made Nitori feel the most special person in the world...in Rin's world. But no, it was not like that.

After that day, they still were the same. Rin treated him more friendlier, but it still was perceptible that Rin cared more for Haruka and the old gang. Nitorin realized Rin might have noticed him as a friend, but nothing more. He even started calling him Nitori again.

By the time he knew, he had gotten depressed as each day went by. On every joint practice, he was always left behind. At first he thought that it would be okay, accepting it as a challenge for him to improve. But he wasn't only getting apart from the group on practice, outside he was also left out.

The group only talked about past memories or any other subjects Nitori never understood or had knowledge of. Even Rei was always active and talkative, even challenging Rin to a race from time to time to see who could swim the Butterfly stroke better.

As the months went by, Nitori had started to relinquish on fitting in. He still hanged out with them before and after practice―plus he still shared a room with Rin―but his enthusiasm and striving to be considered their best friend or even a closer friend than what he was fading slowly. He didn't cared much if people ignored him from time to time, that wasn't such a nusiance.

What caused Nitori's heart to break was that as each day he got more aloof and quieter, was that Rin either didn't notice or care the least. But in reality, Rin did felt bothered by this, but ignored it, thinking it was normal. Nitori didn't understand what made Rin so important in his life. Perhaps it was the reason that he was his role model? Or because he was the only friend that actually cared or had cared for him? Or was Nitori ...? No. Nitori shook his head at the thought. He had never felt that. He couldn't know if that was it.

Nitori didn't knew and didn't cared either, because he decided that if Rin didn't show care, Nitori wouldn't gain it by pity. So he returned to his usual form, or pretended to. He forced himself to lie and to hold all the pain, saying it was worth it. He expected for it to hurt, but he did no expect he would breakdown so soon.

On Christmas, he thought he could rebuild the relationship he and Rin had or at least he thought they had. But when Nitori woke up that morning, he found an empty bed with a note that said "Went out. Won't be coming back early." Not even a 'Merry Christmas' was written. That's when he realized he was alone. He realized that even thought he still pretended and acted as himself, Rin still didn't see him as a close friend.

Nitori immediately ran into the bathroom, turned on the shower―not caring if the water was hot or cold; but to his luck, it was hot―and without caring to undress he entered, collapsed against the wall, and slowly slid himself down, placing his knees on his chest, hid his face between them and cried. Nitori had never cried because of Rin. He had just hit rock-bottom.

After what would be minutes, or almost an hour, Nitori turned off the shower and got out. He dried his puffed eyes and went to look for dry clothes―not caring if he wetted the floor. After thinking and rethinking all of his life after Rin's arrival, he decided something. He would change. He would leave Rin behind. If Rin didn't notice him, then so be it.