Alpas

"Sure ka na ba?"

"Oo mamsh. Need kasi e. Wala na kasama si Mama sa province.." Alfie shared as she types on her computer.

This is her 6th revision on her resignation letter. Hindi naman dahil binalik ng boss nya. It's because she's finding a good reason to leave without being harassed with so much questions from her boss and seniors.

But what the hell? Bakit ba kasi kailangan mag-explain. So, on her 7th revision, she just decided to tell the truth. Tutal aalis naman na sya edi sabihin na lahat ng totoo.

At ang totoo, nakakapagod magtrabaho.

One thing about Alfie, she loves working. Her life's motto was, "Grind lang nang grind." Well, not that it's problem, but...

Nakakapagod talaga. The commute sucks, ang daming tao sa Ortigas, mausok, at ang bilis. Sobrang bilis sa Manila.

Sobrang bilis yung mga dapar pagtuunan ng pansin ay bigla nalang nawala...

"Isa pa 'akla, mas sariwa hangin doon. Nakakaganda ng skin," Alfie continued while she finishes her letter. Ayos na 'to.

June, Alfie's work friend, pursed their lips and sighed in defeat, "Eh sabagay. Buhay mo yan. Sino ba naman ako para pakielaman ka? Sorry eto lang ako."

Alfie chuckled, and drank her iced coffee one last time. She'll miss this. She'll miss the coffee runs. The short stops along the busy streets of Ortigas. She'll miss the streetfoods.

But nothing compares to how she'll miss her father.

That's why right now, she feels that 'perhaps' it's time to let go of her city life. Her grand schemes and dreams.

Siguro hindi talaga para sa kanya ang buhay opisina. But don't get this wrong, maayos magtrabaho si Alfie. She's a consistent perfomer and awardee. A good mentor and leader to her team of creatives.

Pero ang leader ay tao rin...napapagod.

"Alam mo, Alf. Mami-miss kita real-talk." June shared and rolled their chair beside her. Then they laid their head on Alfie's shoulder.

It was tense. Halatang pagod sa kayod ang balikat ni Alfie. Good thing e yung al rehab perfume e mabago pa rin.

Alfie smiled at June and landed her cheeks on June's head. Buti nalang di napansin ni June na malungkot ang ngiti niya.

"Oh sya. Iwan muna kita. Tatae lang ako." June said as they stand up, and returned the chair on their seat.

"Eww. Dirty mo." Alfie grimaced as she chuckles.

As June retreats, Alfie scans the room. It's the first time she noticed a crack on their ceiling, the lights at the back seem to flicker every 5 seconds, and the sound of the aircon seems to get louder and louder.

Sa anim na taon na nasa opisina si Alfie, ngayon nya lang napansin ang mga bagay-bagay. Sinandal ni Alfie ang masakit nyang likod sa upuan nya. Sira na pala upuan nya.

While she plays with her seat, Alfie zoner out and remembers what her tatang said.

"Alfie, don't miss out on life a. Pero sana anak kasama kami dyan sa lakbay mo a." Her dad loved to say these words. Araw-araw naririnig nya to.

Kaso baka ngayon hindi na.

Just thinking about her dad tears her up. Pero bawal humagulgol sa opisina. She needs to be on her best composure.

Alfie slapped her cheeks, and muttered, "Ano ba? Mamaya ka pang hatinggabi iiyak."

She needs to constantly remind herself that life is like that. People die. People grief, ans hopefully people's pain will become smaller in each passing day.

She places her hand on her mouse and hovers the pointer to send in her resignation. Her finger is shaking, her eyes trailing.

Tama ba tong desisyon ko? Am I willing to let go of what I worked hard for? I mean para saan pa kung...

The mouse clicked. After convincing herself thag maybe this isn't the besg idea, she still hit send.

"Eto na talaga. Aalis na ako."

Email successfully sent. Now, all she needs to do is hope for the best. Sa panahong 'to, pagasa nalang ang bumubuo sa kanya pansamantala.