carousel | taekook

prologue

carousel | taegguk

tw: this story contains smut, homophobia, references to suicidal thoughts, drug/ alcohol abuse, underage sex, profanity, mentions of self harm and toxicity. read with caution

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what beheld us was something transcending intrigue.

i hold my breath; for i know not when this moment will cease, in hope to carry a fragment of this impending bliss to the next.
we are so foolish in that way, to live not in the moment, but in our fear.

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-jeongguk-

the world is a carousel.

spinning delinquently amongst galaxies stretched apart by lightyears of space and time and all things in between. we possess the obligation to hold tight to its insignificance, its unimportance, its pure, egotistical revolve in fear of exile. we, the face of this conspicuous, self-centred, loathing planet are the guarantors of our own preordained self-destruction. it was what made her turn on her axis; a purpose, a trepidation. a motive.

but there were people who lacked such sense.

i choose to involve myself with matters i gain something of. life is too short to refuse to skinny dip in uncertainty, the tangible fear of the unknown is the only thing that has me dragging myself through the days of being a person with reason. a person who will one day have no reason.

because i'll be dead.

the thought instils anything but a kindle of fear within me. i am not a necromaniac. i am true to myself. i will wage away at the war that the wind wields against my skin, the one that ages me and cripples me till i am nothing but a decomposing pile of putrid flesh and bones, and when the time comes; whether premature or ripe, i will submit to death's calm embrace.

but i will live my life the way i want to, in hope to find a basis for the acceptance that it was all...

for nothing.

and that nothing was the entire fucking problem.

my nothing was my adoptive sister's current love interest. the love of her life and as of the age six years old and as of the age of now, balancing on a knife edge that was the path to adulthood, the love of mine.

my nothing was kim taehyung.

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um author varsha comeback? 

lowkey forgotten how to write bc its been years but i wanted to try something. its not fancy, i don't have the mental capacity for that any more, just thought i'd test the waters with a new idea bc i've very much missed the feeling of publishing things. i hope you guys stick around and i'm so sorry i've been horribly inconsistent with updates, people who keep up with my announcements will know that i'm in uni now and its been my main focus. it always will be. but i'm also trying to find space to do the things that i enjoy, that being said here we are with another book...

i hope you love it the way i do <3

-varsha