carousel | taekook

1. orange juice

tw: this story contains smut, homophobia, references to suicidal thoughts, drug/ alcohol abuse, underage sex, profanity, mentions of self harm and toxicity. read with caution

this chapter has a slow start to set the scene and koo's character and thought process a bit but i promise you won't regret it, thank you for sticking around my loves!

also please don't be silent readers and comment! i'd love to hear your thoughts<3

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a black hole of uncertainty that threatens to consume us, perhaps if i was knowledgeable of nurturing light, seeing it as anything but a commodity, i would bask in its glory in the few moments we are faced with it in this immortal stimulus.

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-jeongguk-

i hate being in love. 

its a cause for concern, really. 

but where the willow trees blossom and the bluebells bloom, my hand is occupied with a book that weighs more than the gravity of my being.

it is light, like the breeze. a tinge of pine, and dandelion dust, and the gingerbread soil beneath the grass. my fingers are engaged, flicking crisp pages as though i was reading a life story that would somehow alter the course of my own. life that is; though it never does.

some of us are not privileged that way.

the summer in the village of somerset, in the rejuvenating months of july and august, was temperate. like spring almost. it was funny how one thing longed to be another and when obtained, it was inevitably predestined to never live up to its potential.

its such like humans in that way. though there wasn't really a thought in my head for what i pleased.

i was content with the spring-like summer, and the misplaced sycamore seeds in my lap, and jagged bark that dug into the crown of my head and the sap that stained my shirt. i was pleased with a lot of things, like how i couldn't see the sun from where i was sat, under the willow, its weeping lashes shielding me from a world outside. 

i was also not pleased with a lot of things. 

i hate heat, and sun cream and watermelon flavoured chewing gum. i hate the paddling pool with the stagnant water that hasn't been changed since last summer- the one that sits lonely in the corner of the garden. i hate the sun when it blinds me, it serves its purpose all too well, i hate things that serve their purpose because it makes everything feel alright, and not a lot is right. in fact, all is wrong the way that its meant to be wrong, the way i see it, the more i think is right, the more i am submitting to the agenda. i wish not to. because i am not a follower of the ways of the earth, and i have plans- that probably won't change the world or myself for that matter. but at least i am autonomous in that sense.

my sister- my adoptive sister, lara, yawns outside. she's clad in a bikini top that covers next to nothing, and it rivals the sun, its shiny gold fabric reflecting spots of light through the gap in the willow whilst she turns, sunbathing. some dots touch my legs, i yank them back out of the way as though i've been scorched.

i say 'adoptive' because that's what she is, and for the majority, just out of habit because she's white, and i'm very much not. and for people with a sub zero iq, its rather difficult to put two and two together, so with full vigour i say 'adopted'. its simpler that way. and then right after that i say i'm adopted too.