All about H

Alex P.O.V

When I first saw Ava, they were beautiful. They had long, wavy hair that they could only pull off and beautiful hazel eyes that spoke to you, I guess you could say no one is perfect, they had acne, but I did truly love them.

I didn't just date them because they were hot. At the time, I considered myself pan because I looked at everyone the same. When I was with them, I just wanted to keep it between us, I didn't mean to use them.

After a while, I realized that I may not be pan or perhaps gay. I now think of myself as a gay transmasc. At the time, I was just trying to figure myself out, I liked them. I really did. I never could tell them who or what I was. I thought of Ava as everything they were anything you wanted from a person caring, loving, thoughtful, and they'll help you through anything.

So when I saw them go into the bathroom with their friend following them, I can't remember what their friends name is, though. When they came out of the restroom, that's when I knew I had to tell them. I saw the look their friend gave me, and she always gave me a hatred look, like I was a dead man. "Hey, what are you thinking about?" My boyfriend Derek pulled me away from my thoughts.

"Hey," I wish I could break his heart, but I actually don't think that he cared enough about me to care what I did.

"No, but seriously. What's going on with you?" He asked

"Nothing, I just needed to think," I answered. He didn't speak to me right away but just thought to himself, thinking about what I mean.

"We need to talk after school," he finally says to me.

After school, I met up with Derek behind the school so no one could see us. "I just needed to talk to you," Derek says first.

"I'm listening," I say. He never once moved closer to me.

"I don't think this is gonna work out between us," he says, keeping the same emotion throughout.

"I know, I came here to tell you something," he touched my hand reassuringly.

"I know," he says. I didn't have to say anything after that. "I'm here if you ever need anything," he gave me one last kiss before he walked away to go home.

Maybe I got it all wrong with him. Maybe he did love me. I just couldn't see it cause I was lost on what I thought. I feel stupid, I think now he was just waiting for me to tell him and make me feel comfortable. He never pushed it with me or made me feel out of place, just made me feel like myself, and maybe some part of him liked me.

I had to rush to the park before Ava thought I dished them. While I was running, I was thinking that I was going to tell them everything starting from the beginning. A smile lurking on my face.