Best Served Cold

Chapter 9

Harry was in a rather good mood. Lockhart had damn near shit himself in class after seeing Harry's smile and the nearby clipboard.

"I am so glad I chose to befriend you rather than try to antagonize you like Malfoy tried," said Blaise honestly. That smile creeped him out.

"Look at the bright side. Your mum accepted my offer to look at the books before she marries the wrong person. And you know that because we're friends she'll be given an automatic protection for at least five years."

"To be honest I lost track after the fifth 'natural cause'," admitted Blaise. He didn't even know how much they had in the vaults, just that his mother did it more out of boredom now, rather than because they needed the gold.

"Want to help me scare Lockhart into pissing himself before class is over?"

"Oh hell yes, I hate Lockhart," said Blaise with a vicious grin.

"Have you considered directing your mother in his direction?"

"The leading theory is that he's gay," said Blaise.

"Really now? I can work with that," said Harry with an absolutely evil smile.

"AIIIIEEEE!"

Hermione gave Blaise and Harry an evil look.

"What did you do?"

"I may or may not have left an illusion on my 'test' for Lockhart to find. I wanted to see if Blaise was correct in saying that the professor bats for the same team."

He was so not telling Hermione he used a copy of the infamous 'sunset genjutsu of youth' with naked copies of Fudge and Dumbledore, complete with groping. He had almost used Umbridge, but even wasn't that cruel.

He'd use a straight illusion of her if Lockhart continued to annoy him. Magic knew she kissed the arse of the Minister enough that it would be inevitable.

"Wait until we get near some Hufflepuffs before you do any evil cackling. I thought Snape was training you in the ways of the Sneer?" said Blaise.

"He is, which is why I'm going to wait for Dumbledore to be present to have the maximum effect, complete with lightning this time."

"Oh. Carry on then. He still hasn't caught on yet?"

"Nope."

"Fun," said Blaise grinning.

Later that night...

Snape gave Harry a perfect ghostly ten for the expression on Dumbledore's face, as well as the fact that he got no less than eight Hufflepuffs to piss themselves in fear from his mad cackling.

Harry was insufferably smug for the rest of the week.

~

"Will you quit tormenting him? He's a great man, he doesn't need you scaring him!" scolded Hermione.

"What was it this time?"

"Naked Umbridge fornicating with the Minister," said Harry without missing a beat.

Blaise paused, then shuddered at the mental image.

"Evil. Pure unadulterated evil. I want a copy of that spell to send to certain people who annoy me."

"Hell, send it to Bagman. He's been whining a bit too loudly because I used the funds the goblins took from him to pay for the office Christmas party."

"Where is the department going this year?"

"Jamaica," said Harry with a laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh there's this song that I introduced them to that's all the rage in the department. Mostly because it suits us perfectly and has a catchy beat. The reason why it's funny is because the man who sang it in the show was Jamaican."