Time (Sunki)

01

'Is it worth it to continue living?'

He wondered mentally as he watched the cars speed by in front of him. It was after midnight and, as expected, there was no traffic at that time, so the cars allowed themselves to speed up considerably.

He had no idea how he had managed to escape from home when it was after midnight, nor how he had ended up in that desolate place. In fact, he didn't remember anything that happened since his older brother's funeral a few weeks ago. It was as if his mind had been lost and blank since that day.

Get out of there brat! Do you want a car to kill you?! - shouted one of the drivers from his vehicle.

Niki was surprised by that shout and realized that he was too close to cross that dangerous highway. The cars were going so fast that he could feel the adrenaline running through his whole body. He closed his eyes for a moment, willing that sense of danger to erase all the pain and sadness he felt. Hoping that he would stop feeling empty and insignificant.

"They say the hardest day to love someone... is the day you lose them forever"

Tears began to stream down his face as he remembered the words his mother had said while standing in front of everyone on the day of the funeral. His mother seemed to be so serene in front of the others, but when they got home he could see her completely collapse.

It had been over a week and she didn't seem to recover from the loss of her eldest son, and to be honest... neither did Niki.

-Hyung...- he whispered, staggering slightly on the sidewalk- If I hadn't insisted that you pick me up that day...

The desperate screams of his mother through his phone while she told him what happened returned to her memory.

-Would you still be alive? -he concluded her question, with a deep pain in his chest.

He knew that his mother blamed him and ignored him, even though she pretended that she didn't and that everything was fine between them; the same as his schoolmates and some of his relatives. He was also aware that he could never forgive himself, nor could he bear the absence of the most important person in his life. He was only sixteen years old and surely many would think that he was exaggerating, but the reality was different and he was completely devastated and without motivation to continue breathing.

In the distance he saw a small car running at full speed, getting closer and closer to where he was.

And in a fit of rage against himself, he took a few steps back to gain momentum and run towards the car. That was the only chance he had to make his negative thoughts go away for at least a second.

Some doubts began to arise before what he was about to do.

''Am I really going to die like this? Maybe.. this is not the way out.. maybe there is still hope for me''

Confusion conflicted with his thoughts as he took a deep breath.

''Or perhaps there is no hope at all and everything will be the same''

He didn't want to keep thinking, didn't want to keep fighting or suffering anymore. He gathered momentum and started running towards the car to end his existence once and for all, but before he could get any further...

-What do you think you're doing?!

Someone pushed him back hard, preventing him from hitting the road and causing them both to fall on the hard, cold sidewalk. Niki struggled with the person who had pushed him, he was furious and couldn't see who he was because his eyes were full of tears.

-I just want to get out of this hell!- exclaimed the brown-haired one with a broken voice, completely desperate- Let the fuck go! Don't get in my way!

-No!-He answered firmly, hugging him tightly on the ground- I won't let you hurt yourself!