Short Stories Collection.

3." I'm Sorry. "

              

         I quickly buttoned up my top, tie my hair in a low bun, put on my gown and fix the stethoscope dangling around my neck. I rushed down the stairs instead of taking the lift, hoping it would make me more active after waking up from my siesta. Internship is never easy and i was warned about it. But prior awareness of it doesn't make it any easier. You're constantly at the service of your seniors. Talk of the devil, I caught glimpse of my senior from the far corner of the lobby. And once  she noticed me, she advanced towards me. 

"Did I do something wrong? Did I oversleep? Any wards I haven't rounded yet? Is my fac-" 

My train of thoughts halted when she stood in front of me. I straighten up. 

"Good afternoon, doctor. " I said, clutching  the clipboard even more tightly. 

She glances at me without any word. Nervousness builds up inside me but I noticed the look in her eyes were not like the accusing ones, the ones I got when she detected even a millisecond-lag in my conduct. I look into her eyes then somewhere else  then at her eyes again then somewhere else again. She sealed her lips in a thin line and finally spoke. 

"Dr.Len is here. ICU Ward. In a critical condition. " 

Her voice is unusually soft. The tension in my face softens as I slowly gaze down at the floor, blinking so normally. She tilted her head and gave me a concerned look. I glanced back at her but look away as soon as my eyes landed on hers. 

"I'll check up on him. " I said softly with a little smile that was gone again as soon as I completed my words. She released a sigh, tapped my shoulder twice as a sign of pity and then went away. I contemplated for a while until I finally strolled towards the ICU ward. For some reason, "Critical Condition" rings in my head and I get an eerie feeling that I was gonna regret it if I didn't go. 

Dr. Len, Dean of Royalties Medical College, where I did my studies was the most toxic person I know ever existed. We were groomed under the principle that gpa below 4 was a failure, abusive verbal punishment was the best tool to strengthen someone, and he was always RIGHT. All the emotional abuse were under the guise of his deep love for us, at least that's what he said. 

The last time I saw him was 7 years ago. And our farewell didn't end on the best note. All sad memories of him resurfacing in my mind increased my reluctance to meet him again with every step I took. But I soon find myself at the doorstep of his assigned room. I could see his lifeless form from the door pane. I twisted the doorknob and find myself inside. His gray locks rests on his pillows and his lean hands rest besides his lifeless lean body. He had changed a lot. Almost unrecognisable. He had completely shed his masculine well- built body and was a literal grandpa now. 

     I took a seat on the stool by his bed. Sensing my movements, his eyelids unfold and he looked at me. It took him a while to recognize me and I made no efforts to introduce myself. He shakily took off the nebulizer and parted his mouth a little to speak. 

"Jenny? " His old man's voice spoke. 

I could only sigh and avert my gaze  somewhere else. 

"My.. My. You've grown. A lot. " He said again. I then turn my gaze towards him again. My eyebrows frowned a bit in confusion when I saw tears in his eyes. He's crying?? He dare cry? I still couldn't bring myself to utter any response. 

"Ho-how ha..ve yo..u been? " He said. 

"Why have you ask to see me? I'm sure 

my farewell words were to never see you again. " 

Oh. You did well, Nice thing to say to a dying man. But what was I to say? To the man I have despised and resented my whole life. 

 He stayed silent wiping off his tears. My heart clenched. But to my surprise, he didn't seem fazed by my rudeness. He stared at the ceilings. He took a deep breath and spoke in his same shaky tone. 

"I was a menace to my parents and the society in my youthdays…." 

I was caught off guard and instinctively looked at him. 

".......My parents were the sweetest person alive, kindness was the only thing they had showered upon me. But but–" he broke down. I only stared at him in confusion. After several sobs, he composed himself again and continued. 

".. But I took  the wrong turn taking advantage of their kindness. I would come home drunk, wasted and in my nonsensical state had mouthed obscenities to them at times. But the stupid kind people they were, they never… never.. had the heart to rebuke me… . "

He broke down again. And I could only stare at him in confusion at the sudden retelling of history. 

"For… for 5 years, I wasted all the heydays of my family. Every intoxicant I had consumed had done all the damage. And. I.. Soon… . I was diagnosed with kidney failure. And my.. My… dad had to sacrifice his. It even cost him his life due to medical complications during the surgery… . Then I realised how big I'd  messed up. But I was too late… . "

He sobs uncontrollably and something in my heart twitches too. I handed him a tissue,now fully intrigued. 

".... I finally woke up to reality and made it my mission to fix the rest of the little life I got. When I finally sort life out, or at least that's what I'd thought, I lost my mom again. That  time for my failing heart… … .. "

Another breakdown. I handed him a tissue. 

".....And.. And.. remorseful I was, I often resented them for being so kind to me. Had I been given a little 'shaping' I thought I could have escaped half of the dangers… "

"That was why you go harsh on us? " I spoke. 

He was taken aback by my sudden interruption but he Slowly nods and continue. 

"...i..I thought that the only way I could keep you guys from straying from your path was to go harsh on you. I.. I… never realised I was rather destroying you guys. Looking back I was just doing that to not  feel too bad for all my wrong deeds. I was being… I was being… "

His breathing shallows and I quickly place the nebulizer back into his face. He took a few breaths and then took it off again. I was teary by this time too. Not because I actually feel sorry for him. But because all the emotional damages he'd inflicted on us were all mere attempts to redeem his past. I was about to uncover all the burdens of my heart and all the bitterness I had held against him but He spoke, 

"I was being selfish, Jenny. I know I have no means to cure all the emotional damages I've done to you guys, but.. But… . "

 His breathing shallows again. Tears trickled down my face as I tried to install his nebulizer back but he only grabbed my hands tightly and with one last breath he spoke… . 

"Please forgive this old man. I'm… . I'm sorry. " Then he calms down, his eyes boring into my soul and his body relaxed unto the bed and all the cardiograms and every indicator of his vitality beeps everywhere. 

Everything was like a trance, the doctors rushing in and the nurses dragging me out as I lost all my senses being a crying mess. 

"How could you wait your whole life to say that? Come back, you owe me a better apology. Come back… please… Dad. "

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