"I said: you like her. Kim Teume. You like Kim Teume."
"Of course not! We're only friends! Best friends!"
"Oh please, Hyunsuk, it's all over your face. Everybody knows it."
The words of my soccer teammates echoed in my head during all the weekend.
I hadn't lied. It was nothing but the truth that Kim Teume and I had been friends basically since we were born. Best friends, to be precise. Completely inseparable and confidant. There was no one who knew Teume better than me, and there was no one that knew Choi Hyunsuk better than Kim Teume.
But to say we saw each other as more than just friends, was something completely different. The love I feel for her is just as a friend, right? Maybe even a fraternal love, right? Despite we both are the same age, Teume is like my little sister whom I have to take care off and protect... right? That need of being always the first one to know all of her secrets, to be her first option to tell me her problems, the urge to hold her tight, offering my support and protection, sometimes even being a little bit annoying just because I love to see her cutely pout...
I couldn't like Kim Teume. Not because it was impossible, but because if this was an unrequited love, our friendship would be done for good. And then, what would I do without her? So I do the best I can with what I got: I ignore my friends' words, and continue with my days, as if I hadn't notice anything. Teume and I are just friends. Best friends. Completely inseparable and confident. Nothing more.
"Are you okay?" Teume's voice comes to me as if she were far away. Sounds numb. I do the best I can to come back from wherever my mind is diverging, and hurry to look, not only at her, but all around me.
We're at the end of the soccer field. Today's the last match of the season. Teume knows something's happening. After all, she knows me better than anyone else. But this time, I can't tell her my secret. One word from me can ruin our friendship, forever.
"You'll do good, Hyunsuk." Teume says, as she places both her hands in my shoulders, and pretends to give me a massage to calm my nervousness. "You'll score the most goals and become the MVP of this season. You got this, just trust yourself."
I take advantage of the scenario presented by her words, and nod. Pretending her massage indeed calmed me down, I hurry to get back with the rest of the team, and proceed to warm up. Teume walks away from the field, and sits in one of the lower benches, where she takes out a banner that has my photo and name, and proceeds to cheer for me and me only. This is something a girlfriend would do, right? No. Friends. Teume and I are only friends.
The match occurs in a blink of an eye, as my brain is divided between thinking of what I feel and cannot say, and I try to keep on playing offensively so to score as much goals as I can, so we can win the match, and thus the season. But if something happens nonstop during those 90 minutes, is the adrenaline that runs through my veins and fills my body, taking control of my thoughts and feelings.
And then, when the last kick of the ball results in one last goal, and the referee blows his whistle, meaning the match is over, just as the rest of my team, I can't help but cheer and scream, with both hands raised up high, jumping every two steps I take.
"We won!" I say, and unable to control myself, I look around, specifically towards the benches, looking for the person I most want to share this achievement with.
Kim Teume.
She smiles at me. Still holding her banner high, she's also jumping and cheering non-stop. Zigzagging along some of my teammates and coach who are on the edge of the field, I run towards her, and offer my arms. She understands immediately, and drops herself to my chest.
Despite being covered in sweat, Teume lets me wrap my arms around her, holding her tightly, and lets me pick her up, just a few inches from the grass, now allowing me to spin her around. And then, forgetting that what I feel for her is supposed to be a secret, forgetting that we're at a crowded place, forgetting what's a stake if my feelings are unrequited, I lean towards her, and kiss her lips.
For a minute, the whole world goes mute, and nothing is real, nothing but the touch of our lips. Besides Teume, everything else doesn't exist. I cannot feel anything else that's not the taste of her orange lip gloss, or the smell of her vanilla perfume, and the way she perfectly fits in my arms, as if they were meant to hold her, just her.
And then, as I think I cannot feel any happier as I feel right now, is then when the happy bubble finally burst, and I have to face reality.
"Hyunsuk..." Teume says, as soon as our lips are no longer touching. Since our faces are still quite close, I can totally see the blush that covers her whole face, which means I probably look the same.
"I'm sorry!" Is all I can say, and hurry to finally drop her back on the soccer field. I make sure she has both feet on the grass, so she won't trip, and then I finally let her go. But she still has both her hands around my neck, and seems she's not planning to let go.
"I'm really sorry." I repeat, afraid my best friend is in such a shock that she's still not aware our friendship has just totally fractured.
"Do you really mean it?" Teume asks. I have no idea what she's talking about, so I can only reply with a dumb "Eh?", before she continues. "My friends had told me you also had feelings for me, but I didn't want to believe them... But, if you're sure you feel the same way I feel, then us... You know... We could, maybe... Give it a try."
"But what if it doesn't work out?" I asked, frightened. "I don't want to lose you." I finally confess.
Teume kisses me again. Is a shy kiss on my cheek, but a kiss nonetheless.
"We're friends, right?" She says, mockingly. "Best friends. Why wouldn't this work out with the person I most love, I most trust, and I most depend on, in the whole world?"
I hug her again. If we had worked out just fine during these past 20 years of friendship, why wouldn't we work out as a couple, for the rest of our existence?
To answer with a "yes, I mean it", I kiss her once again.
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