Every Action Has A Reaction, Y'know?

Failed symphonies

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Tom was sober for 2 years. The day he killed Tord put a stop to his record. He drank everything he could - and puked all of it later.

It's been two weeks, and no one is doing well.

Matt was scared. The man couldn't see himself in a mirror without panicking for a while - he has told Tom it reminded of when Tord punched him. Tom's lost count on how many times he's heard loud crying and sobbing from the other's room. It breaks his heart.

Edd was taken by rage. Tom never thought he'd live to see Edd be this angry. He, who was so calm, so understanding of others, had become unpatient and cold. Everytime they see each other, Edd's face is curled up into a frown.

Tom, on the other hand, became boring. He couldn't bring himself to do anything, and all of life's wonders didn't make sense anymore. He killed someone after all. Guilt engulfed him and it was the only thing he thought about.

It's the second shot of the day. It's kind of a game, Tom likes to think. Every time he catches himself thinking about the incident, he'll gulp some Smirnoff and feel it burning down his throat. It's the only way he's found to stop the thoughts. Red. The red of Tord's hoodie combining with the red of the Norwegian's blood. He couldn't stand the panic that bubbled up on his mind everytime he saw red - Tord's color.

Barely would he walk out of his room, the only purposes being to eat something quick, or to get a new bottle of alcohol. He didn't want to see anyone's face, in fear they'd judge him. His throat felt sore at all times, and the fatigue constantly took over him. His weight loss was noticeable. All his previously tight shirts felt loose and pants that didn't fit before now hanged loosely on his hip.

Tom was a murderer. And every time he woke up, he was reminded of that by his own mind. Did Edd and Matt perceive him as an assassin? No one has really talked about it, but you could guess, by the excruciating silence, they probably did. Edd liked Tord. Matt had more of a positive neutrality to him. And Tom killed a man. A man who he's hated at times and loved in others. Love. Tom had loved Tord at times - romantic affection - though his love was always one sided. It did exist, and knowing you took the life of someone you had desired to date times ago is, at least, awkward.

Third shot. He thought again. Tom swiftly got up from his bed, but not without the dizziness of standing up so quick. Susan would be perfect right now. The guitar was always his place of peace: composing and strumming aimlessly cleaned his mind. Since the Event, his fingers began to tremble - each day stronger - and his melodies became shaky. Just like his hands. Tom hates it. He picks up the instrument and plays the wrong note accidentaly, resulting in a sound that hurt even more his throbbing head. He continues though, as to pretend everything is alright. There's a series of unfinished small songs he had been composing when he was only 17, which he's listening to, trying to figure out how to end them. Maybe one yday he'll post them on YouTube or something, like he did in the past.

He can't play anything that doesn't sound like a war crime to his ears. Tom's tired. His mind wants to throw the guitar on the wall and trash and yell and curse, but the only thing that escapes his mouth is a broken sound. His mind is foggy and his thoughts don't make sense anymore. He blinks and Susan is on the ground with a loud thump. For some minutes, the only thing he does is breathing - his room smells of alcohol. Tom decides it's not worth trying again, so he takes a notebook and opens it, in the hopes maybe he could write anything.

It feels like there's a not in his throat at all times, like Tord's coming back from the dead just to bring Tom to hell alongside him. Maybe he should. He looked at the paper for some time and finally gave up. Insisting would only cause him headaches.

Tom lost count of when he last ate, his stomach aching for the only thing in it was alcohol. A grimace appeared on his face as he got up and walked in the door's direction. Black engulfed his vision for some seconds. Tom avoided going out, fearing the hate Matt and Edd - especially Edd - must have for him. But it's unavoidable when you're a human and don't want to die, at least not like this. Sometimes, though, he thinks about how much better would be to rest in an eternal state of calm. How wonderful wouldn't it be to be able to forget the pure horror he experienced that day? There are, however, chances of finding Tord in that place. And he doesn't want to risk it. For now, he'll survive, and maybe someday this urge to starve himself to death will be gone.

The door is opened to find Edd watching something in Tv - Tom's not bothered enough to look at what he's watching. Upon further inspection, Tom notices popcorn on the floor. The cola-lover's new favourite place was the living room, in which he would spend most of the time into. He's almost always there when Tom goes out his room, but never says a word. In the first days, Tom tried to help the other, that, however, only resulted in a stream of curses and insults directioned to him. So he's given up. Honestly, he's given up a lot of things.

Tom stood on the doorframe, rethinking his decision to go out. Maybe he shouldn't. As he prepares himself to go back, Edd's hoarse voice echoes through the room.

- Tom, - he pauses - Come here...

Confused was an understatement. Edd had never called him before. And usually, he'd look at Tom with a angry face. Tom has no choice but to oblige and go see what the other had to say. This was not something he wanted right now.

As he approached the cola lover, the same motioned to the television. Tom looked up and saw.

Tord.
On the Tv.
Alive.

What? Shock spreads through his body and Tom doesn't know what to feel. He mutters a broken "what".

Flickering, the device showed a reporter talking about the supposedly dead norwegian. Tom can't focus enough to hear what they're saying. It cuts to a bad quality clip of a robot - Tord's robot - being exploded in the air. Filmed from above, it now focus on a small body in comparison to the machine, laying on the ground. A car picks the body up and the video ends, changing to the news man again.

Edd slowly looked towards Tom. For once, his expression changed. The frown turned into tears and his face curled into some other mix of emotions.

- Tom, he's alive. - the cola-lover smiles weakly - he's alive Tom! - The man feels Edd's arms go around him, embracing his body.

He felt something he shouldn't feel. Anger. Tom almost didn't want Tord to be alive. Edd's touch feels repulsive and he wants to throw up. After everything Tord's done, he still insists on liking him. Fear quickly replaces the anger and he feels himself shiver. Edd, in some moment, stopped hugging the other, but Tom's mind is too full to bear anything other than his own thoughts. If the norwegian isn't dead, he's probably gonna hunt them down.

Tord's alive, and Tom wishes he weren't.