The Untold Truths

Entry 1

A/N: It's not exactly a Y/N. It'd help if I could get some names lol.

I met her 6th grade, who I believed was my best friend until she longer wanted to be best friends a year after. I honestly thought it was something I had done.

Maybe I made her upset? Maybe she didn't want to be friends anymore? Thoughts like that ran threw my head because let's be honest we're all over thinkers. No, she had an old best friend who told her she simply could not have multiple best friends.

So, she asked me to change my friendship title with her. Idiot me was hurt but agreed because for some reason I thought our friendship would last forever.

How naive I was to think that. She was a troubled girl who would often get into trouble with the cops, did drugs, and often had horrible panic attacks that I would always there when they occurred.

She hung out with other girls who did the same shit she did, I did feel left out at the time but just went with it because she constantly told me that she was "protecting" me.

Protecting from what? How toxic she was? Granted I listened to her and steered clear from trouble, somewhat. When I think back on it, I might've been in love with her but was in denial.

I didn't know there were different types of sexualities, I was naive and green to it all. She told me she was bisexual. And my dumbass was like well what the hell is that?

I was a 12-year old girl who was told to pursue her career and worry about relationships until I was done with completing my goals. She never told me she was bisexual until a new girl came in.

She was cool, handsy with her, and pretty soon my friend was her friend. I don't think I even knew what jealously was until 8th grade. I was easily influenced and my friend knew. For better understanding let's name her "A".

They got close. Really close. I asked myself well what did I do? I knew of all her tics and her constant panic attacks that no one else was there for.

It was like a slap to the face. Not to mention I got slapped in the face by "new girl" that we'll name "J". Long story short we were playing around and I lightly slapped her and bitch did not hesitate to slap me as hard as she did.

At this time I was a sensitive little bitch who could not hurt a fly. That slap hurt and made me cry. She didn't apologize. She fucking gaslighted me saying that why did I hit her in the first place.. like bitch we were literally playing around the fuck???

"A" didn't do anything, just sat there like a dumbass. "J" tried to massage my face and I can't remember clearly but if I didn't stare her down then I really wish I could go back in time and fight her ass.

Then again I was never the fighter, just some feeble girl who needed to be helped. They were always together and I started talking to other people for which "A" got jealous of.

She didn't want me to be anyone else's friend but she could hang around "J", who I learned was also bisexual. At this point I wished I hadn't heard that word ever again.

Like I've mentioned no one... absolutely no one explained to me what it was. Even when I searched it up I was like ??? Did it mean she was friends with boys and girls? So was I, so did that make ME bisexual???

Nope. Just plain stupid. "J" and I had some classes together and to fit in and keep my mouth shut I hung out with them. Ate lunch with them, "J" and I sometimes played volleyball together.

I really considered her my friend. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

"A" and I were once asked by a friend of mine if she and I were dating, she said I wasn't her type. Bitch what- I was offended and loudly told him, hell no! She's just a friend. Suddenly I'm Adrien from Miraculous.

Nonetheless she was kind of shocked? I couldn't really tell but he was like oh. We never touched the topic again. Glad we didn't.

More people joined our once duo and became a group. I lowkey hated it. I didn't particularly like any of the people who joined our group. Except one.

She was the best person I had met, which made "A" jealous and always wanted to be around us. I ruined our friendship out of stupidity and blindness in 8th grade when she moved schools. (Not "A" another girl).

"E" joined our group and thought she knew "A" better than I did. I hated that 2-faced bitch. "E and J" were both some of the two-faced bitches I had ever met but never said anything.

Fitting in was a big thing for me until high school. Well anyways, they started being there when she'd have her breakdowns and such and suddenly I was the wall.

Just there and existing. I think that's when my depression was slowly kicking in. Seeping through like water leaking out of an unclosed bottle, very slow.

Maybe it was jealousy and depression combined. Horrible combo. I cried...confronted "A" about it like if I was the girlfriend getting cheated on before my own eyes by some two other random bitches.

She comforted me. God I was a little bitch. In my eyes, she was everything. Maybe I had loved her a little too much. Too much for my own good. What a toxic yet beautiful friendship.

8th grade came and we were more distant with each other. I had made other friends and one friendship that's still going on today which I will never take for granted.

"A" was jealous of the new girl in 8th grade. What irony. I didn't care, it served her right to abandon me for "J", who also switched schools.

She wanted me to be there for her. We'll name the new girl "L". "L" opened my eyes. I'm so glad she did. I was used, taken for granted, and she was there when I didn't have anyone else.

I don't regret being friends with "A" but I don't think I could forgive her or many of the other people who were just like her.

I blocked everyone but "L". I reignited my flame and threw theirs in the trash.

"A" thought she was protecting me from becoming like her. It's saddening that she liked those who were like her and in the end I became the person who she would've wanted.

A depressed, insecure, hiding emotions, fiend of smoking to cope with stress that came from school person. I'm glad I severed that bond, I thought I was helping her but she dragged me down to the depths of hell and crushed my soul entirely.

I wish her the best and I wish to never see her again.