Entry 2

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by hinemi_

by hinemi_

Memories. They're a beautifully painful reminder of everything you did in the past.

I wish I could turn back time. At times. I wish I could be the person I am now and transport her to then.

Maybe then I wouldn't have been so stupid. I wouldn't fall for the traps I did when I was younger. For the immense love I harbored. That I no longer have.

I have a fraction of what I had then. My soul is consumed with anger and a bottle of destruction.

Each crack awaiting to be released into the world. I don't think I've ever had this much anger, I exert some of it when I exercise now.

All of those beautiful memories I had bring me emptiness.

I have made more beautiful memories with the people I have now. And it's soothed my anger just a bit.

It's not their fault, it's the ones from before. From "A" thinking she could steer me from trouble and the young idiot boy who I fell in love with.

It's their fault. For turning me into the brewing monster who shields from the world. I've always been expressive with my facial expressions.

Now it shows more. And I'm glad they turned me this way. Otherwise I wouldn't have developed a spine to tell everyone else to fuck off.

But I loved that little girl who was so naive to the world. Wanted to know everything but also know nothing.

Who knew she could be tainted so easily by those she thought liked her for who she was. It's amazing how cunning assholes like them can turn someone so pure into something unrecognizable.

Now I wonder what could have been different, if I hadn't met them. If I hadn't met her, would things be different? Would I have not succumbed to such emotions at a later time.

Maybe I would have eventually but I'm glad it happened when it did at the end of the day. It didn't shape me, it changed me. Into something better, something more.

I would like to go back, maybe then I could've changed everyone else but if I thought about it long and hard.

I would prefer to slowly bring them to their destruction.

sweet revenge is a dish best served cold and hard in my books at least.