The Utter Chaos of Meerab's Mind

Pink v/s Grey

Guilt

Guilt. Self reproach. Feeling of inadequacy or feelings of deserving blame

Not that I was guilty of the accident. He was the one driving too fast but I was the cause behind his reckless driving. I told him to slow down. Did that break the chain of causation?

Oh what the hell? Why do I still think in legal terms? Law is another world now

..and that's Murtasim's fault- my brain piped in helpfully. I love this part of my brain- ones which constantly listed reasons why I should hate Murtasim.

But there's another part of my brain ( shall we call it evil and awful one) and it decided to remind me of Murtasim covered in blood. I shivered.
Murtasim ne mujhe Bacchane ke liye khud ko aage kar diya..

I remember the metallic taste of blood in my mouth and his shout as he twisted the car. I knew that he would take the full impact in the nano second that the truck's light were fully blazing. I knew and he knew.

Guilt. Feelings of inadequacy- I felt inadequate as a human being and that is why in spite of his harkat this morning,Murtasim will be sleeping next to me. I will warn him firmly but I will not kick him out of the bed.

Purely humane decision- my logical brain piped in. I straightened my kurti and waited for him to come out. But he didn't so I got up.

Really, you are so worried about this that you wait outside his door now? The slightly evil and nonsensical part of me chimed u.You know I had always imagined that's this side is bright pink in color and sounded like the mean girl from high school movies.
I wasn't worried just impatient, yes that's it.Thank you sane grey part of my brain.

" Uff.."
" Murtasim, tum thik ho?"

That's not worry, just impatience? Pink asked with a snigger.

" Yeah I am fine. It's my sling.." he began and then silence

Was that sentence over? Who leave a sentence like that? What is the sling doing? Trying to strangle you?

It shouldn't be any of our business, pink said snidely, unless you care.

This is an injured man, grey said in her old woman voice. Humanity requires us to help him.

He groaned from inside.

It was humanity that made me turn the knob and walk in.
" Murtasim Kya hua? Tum theek ho?"

He froze and I did too. He was standing near the closet, wearing a beige shirt. Well half wearing it anyway. His good arm was inside one of the sleeves but he was clearly struggling to get the other arm in. He had obviously stepped outside from the shower as his hair was wet and water was dripping down to his bare shoulder.

He had really broad shoulders and his chest was.. What? Where are all of these thoughts coming from?
" Meerab.."

" Uh- I heard you. Bohut takleef ho rahi hai?"
She said
He sighed frustratedly " no, I just can't seem to be able wear this shirt"

" Main help kardu??"
What?
No!!
Rewind!!
Why would you say that? Grey said
Because she wants to help him change, Pink chimed in
No I don't!!
Come on, it's ok maybe you can touch those broad shoulders..Pink sniggered.
Shut up Pink!!

I think I had gone purple because Murtasim was looking at me weirdly.
" Meerab.."
oh yes. Help an injured man. Be a decent human being. I made myself close the distance between us. Ensuring I was standing as far away as I possibly could, I folded the sleeve and slipped it over his bandaged arm. He fixed the sleeve over his shoulder as I reached for his sling. Gently placing it over the shoulder I shifted sling so it fit his arm. I could feel his eyes on me but I didn't look up.