Red

MASK

Stepping away from the Order and back into the Death Eater circles was unexpected. More to yourself than maybe others. You did not realize how many Order members still had continued questions about your loyalty. The whispers were not that quiet. It was slowly more apparent to you that no one should trust you. Nothing you did was consistent.

Any attempts to contact Arthur or Remus were met with silence. You switched owls but the letters went unresponded. It wasn't even worth attempting to contact Severus, you knew he wouldn't respond. At your desk you dropped the latest letter from your brother asking questions you didn't know how to answer. Not anything you could answer through the mail anyways.

You took a deep breath. Fingers twiddling at the quill. The ache in your shoulder returned as it always did this time of night. Turning to the bottle of firewhiskey that was perched so neatly on the shelf above the desk. No glass necessary just lips to the bottle. It didn't even burn anymore. Closing your eyes you let the crushing weight of reality just stop anymore. There wasn't much left, maybe a fourth, so in good Viridian fashion you finish it off.

Getting drunk was dangerous. Putting you in a more vulnerable state than necessary. Every time you moved you couldn't keep your eyes straight. Every breath was now purposeful. If you had been more upset you might have even stumbled to the kitchen for another bottle. Instead you just let your head sway and focused on listening to the fire crackle.

You weren't startled by the sound of footsteps. You didn't react to them because you simply hadn't heard them. Your body was numb and nothing could take away the pain like this did. A hand brings you to reality. Shaking your shoulder almost angrily. You grab the empty bottle and attempt to hit the shaker with it. Of course without opening your eyes, that would be too much work.

"How stupid are you?" Hissed a familiar voice. You open your eyes to the site of a very tired looking Severus above you.

"According to you... I take estre place above the Potters!" It's a joke. Maybe not a good joke but a joke on your part.

Severus doesn't raise his voice or change his tone. "Are you incapable of saying the word first?"

"No ya fucking twat." Severus glares at you. Even in the light of the singular candle above you and the firelight, it is obvious. Sometimes you wished he would just hit you instead of staring at you like that. "That's first in my home language you ignorant fucking swine . What in the bloody hell are you doing in my house anyways?"

"I needed to talk to you but you obviously are in a state."

You smile. Your tongue runs along the bottom of your teeth. "You're making excuses Sev. If you wanted me sober you knew when to catch me. Now it's-" You check the clock on the desk. You couldn't read it but you had a point to make. "It's past midnight and I could have been in bed."

"I told you to cut this shit out a long time ago, Red. Getting drunk doesn't make the pain go away."

You taunt. "Oh really? What then?"

Severus hesitates for as long as it takes for you to breathe. It was anger that motivated him. He crashes his lips on yours. Hand shoved into your hair preventing you from moving. It takes a minute for your brain to catch up. Severus hadn't come over to inform you of anything. In fact Severus never had any intentions of speaking at all.