Tomorrow

It was all my fault.

I closed my eyes, letting the flower I brought drop to the ground. Something wet fell on my arm, and I could hear the sound of raindrops hitting the ground. The wind blew my hair away from my face, and I rubbed my bare arms.

The weather suited my mood, even though I didn't know what I was exactly feeling right now. Guilt. Anger. Sadness. Frustration. I guessed it was a combination of those four.

I kneeled, tracing the beautifully carved letters with my finger. The words inscribed on the gravestone were words I never expected to see there.

It was stupid of me to assume that this wouldn't happen. Life was generally untrustworthy. When you started to think everything was perfect, the switch that brought you back to reality would suddenly be flipped on.

For me, that switch was my brother's death.

I soon realized that my life was only perfect on the surface. I came from a well-off family, but my parents were hiding a strained relationship. I had many friends, but once I broke down, most abandoned me.

Today I wasn't just mourning his death. I was also mourning the loss of everything that I had.

The rain fell harder, but I didn't open my umbrella. I let myself get soaked in the rain, and I listened as the sound of water replaced the silence. I touched the rose that fell, taking a deep breathe and trying to clear my mind.

It was really my fault.

A month had passed, but everything was still vivid to me. The barrel of the gun, the fear on his face, and the dark liquid on his clothes were painted clearly inside my head. When I closed my eyes, I could hear his scream and myself begging him to stay awake. Finally, the police were there, but they were too late. I was still holding on to him though, but I knew he was gone. He was too pale, and the dark red liquid that pooled around him seemed like a flood. When I placed my ear on his chest, I could hear nothing.

If I didn't ask him to visit me that day, he could still be alive. If I didn't forget to lock the door, that night could've been just another night. If I wasn't stupid enough to go downstairs, everything could still be normal.

The rain became a drizzle, and something wet and warm rolled down my cheek. I wiped the tear away with the back of my hand and finally allowed myself to cry.

The tears flowed down, my throat constricting. The grave before me became blurry, and I sniffed, rubbing my bare arms. The silence started to become suffocating, and I wanted to run, to focus on nothing but the wind against my face, and to think only about the way my foot hit the pavement.

I didn't though. Instead, I stayed there, kneeling under the gray clouds.

"He doesn't want you doing this, you know."

I flinched. The voice belonged to a girl standing behind me. She held her head high, staring at the vast cemetery instead of my brother's grave.

I wiped my tears and cleared my throat. "Doing what?"

"This." She glanced at me. "You blame yourself for what happened. It's not your fault."

I didn't contradict her, but I didn't believe her. The guilt was still there, along with the what ifs that were like flames threatening to consume me.

"How do you act so strong?" I asked. It was true. While I cried and hid inside my room, she was outside, comforting my parents and his friends. I wanted someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay. She, on the other hand, was the woman who made everyone realize that we still had a life to live.

She sighed, looking at the ground. "He doesn't want us to put our lives on hold because he's dead. Besides, work distracts me, and I know I have to be strong for you and his parents."

She paused and crouched. The girl beside me reached out, the tips of her finger touching the gravestone.

"I love him." Her voice cracked, and for once, I wondered if her facade would break. "I miss him every day. I know you think that I'm strong, but at the end of the day, I'm just like you, crying and wanting to hide from the world."

I swallowed, watching her. A tear made its way down her cheek, and she rubbed her forehead. "But we have to move on. That's what he wants us to do. I'll always think of him, but I know that putting my life on hold won't do me any good."

I stared at her. She was right. I never thought that my brother's girlfriend would be the one to help me get my life back, but in a way, that was what she was doing today. She made me realize that not living your life because someone close to you died wouldn't bring them back.

We stayed still, crouching and trying to memorize each detail of his grave. The air made me shiver, and she moved closer, putting an arm around my shoulder. I didn't know how long we stayed like that, but I felt safe with her like I did with my brother.

I stood, offering my hand to her. A small smile settled on her face, and she placed her hand on mine. Her skin felt warm and soothed me, and I realized that I was not alone.

The rain stopped, and the clouds seemed to slowly move on. We were still hurting, but I knew that we would get through this together.

Tomorrow I would wake up, eat breakfast, and go to work. Tomorrow I would stand taller and put on a smile again. Tomorrow I would be stronger, braver, and wiser.

Tomorrow I would be a step closer towards forgiving myself.

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I hope you enjoyed reading that :)

Word count: 1000