Love Runs Out

Chapter Nine

I hadn't managed to get back to sleep after my nightmare, I found myself sat at the kitchen table. My head was spinning after memories kept flooding back from the night my Mom died. I rememebered coming home after going for a walk and finding her. She was laid on the floor in the bathroom unconcious no-one else was there, there were syringes and bits of screwed up foil all over the floor...my heart pounded as I remember trying to wake her and not succeeding.

I felt the tears streaming down my face as I sobbed silently into my hands "Oh Mia" Gen had obviously come to check on me. I felt her arms wrap around my upper torso "It's okay honey"

"Why did she leave me Auntie Gen?" I sobbed uncontrolably "Was I not improtant enough for her to try?" It all hit me at once and I found myself finally letting go, letting go of 10 years worth of pain and heartbreak.

"Oh baby its not your fault your Mom had a problem" Gen stroked my hair.

"But she didnt even try and get better not even once. She just kept taking drugs and leaving me to fend for myself, I kept telling her to stop but she didn't listen"

"I know honey, I know, she was an idiot. She gave up so much" I wasn't sure if hearing Gen say this shocked me or made me respect her more. No-one ever said this to me, even though I know its whats most of them thought myself included and here I was hearing these feelings out loud by someone else "I'm sorry sweetie I shouldn't have said that"

"No you're right" I sniff "She was an idiot, I'm just glad someone finally had the balls to say so" I relax a little as I feel Gen rubbing my back and shoulders.

"Do you want to talk about what happened? The night you found your Mom" I shake my head quickly "What about your nightmare? I know you know who he was"

"He was my Mom's boyfriend or dealer which ever way you want to look at it. He used to give my Mom freebies, but when she broke up with him, he decided he wanted paying back" Gen sat on the chair beside me and took my hand "I was 13 at the time, he came round to the house while my Mom was out and told me that she owed him $1500. I said she didn't have that sort of money..."

"Then what happened?" Gen pushed, I could tell she was getting angry.

"He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall, with his arm up against my throat" I fought the burning in my eyes "He kept pushing really hard until I could barely breathe. My lips felt like the were going to explode and my heart slowed right down. Then just as I was about to lose conciousness he let me go"

"Then what happened?"

"Nothing, I had a seizure and when I woke up my Mom was home, she was off her head and making no sense. There was a note on the floor beside me that said If you don't pay up, next time I won't let go"

"Jesus" Ryan's voice interrupted, I hadn't even notice him walk in the room. I quickly wiped my eyes and gathered my emotions.

"I had no choice but to use the money I had saved from the paintings" I frowned.

"Mia honey, what exactly were you saving up for?" I didn't want to answer her because I knew my reply would gut them both. But at the same time I could hardly lie.

"The money was for a bus ticket, I figured if I saved enough money then I could come here and see you guys..."

"Yeah but a bus ticket costs $100, why did you need to save so much?" Ryan asked curiously.

"So while I was staying with you my Mom could get the help she needed" I looked at my hands and can hear Ryan exhale.

"You were saving the money for rehab" I nodded when Gen replied, she looked devastated. Her glance at Ryan told me he was thinking the same thing. I felt Gen pull me into a tight hug and Ryan just leant against the kitchen counter with his hands covering his face "Oh baby" Gen exhaled as she stroked my hair.

"You should never have had all that responsibility on your shoulders" Ryan snapped.

"Ryan" Gen warned but Ryan continued.

"She was just a kid Gen, she should never have had to take care of Shannon like that. We should never have let her leave after christmas that time, I told you she wasn't fit to be a mother"

"But she was a mother, she was my Mom and if you were so worried about me then why didn't you try harder to find us? I'll tell you why shall I? OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF FUCKING MIND" I stood up in my fury and banged my hands down on the table "Where the hell were you when I was first born? I spent the first 6 weeks of my life being weaned of heroin. The doctors didn't even know if I would survive or not because I was early and so dependent on the drugs" my whole body was trembling "But you were too busy drinking champagne and celebrating your success to notice"

"Mia" Gen was regretful, she tried to reach out to me but I pulled away quickly.

"Hang on Mia, you were born early?" Ryan's demenour had changed, he looked shaken and worried "How early?"

"7 or 8 weeks early I think, why is that important?" I don't understand why it matters when I was born.

"I need to go and check on Copeland, I'm sorry Mia" Ryan hurried off down the hall and left me and Gen very confused sitting in the kitchen.

"He didn't mean what he said honey, Ryan just hates to think that you were treated so badly and he feels guilty that we allowed it to happen to you. I am sorry too" Gen spoke softly as looked into my eyes.

"I'm sorry aswell I shouldn't have lashed out like that, maybe I should apologize to Ryan" I walk towards Copeland's room, Ryan is leaning over his cot watching him sleep.

"Uncle Ryan" I say quietly and then wait to assess his reaction, he smiles weakly and turns to face me "I'm sorry for having a go at you, its not your fault you couldn't find us. My Mom always made sure no-one would find us"

Ryan didn't answer he just stared at the floor "I will leave if you like, I can call Mandy"

"I think thats for the best" Ryan's voice was shallow, he looked up at me but could no longer look me in the eyes. Maybe I shouldn't have reacted like that, now he knows what a psyco I can be...there is no wonder he doesn't want me in the same house as his son.

"I'll go and pack" I felt sick as I walked towards my bedroom. I could hear Gen following me into my room "I'm sorry I fucked this up Gen, I never meant to put you to any trouble. Thank you for trying"

"Put that bag down" Gen snapped as she snatched the rucksack out of my hand "You are not going anywhere, do you understand?"

"But Uncle Ryan said..."

"Ryan isn't thinking clearly, he will regret what he has said in the morning" Gen put her hand on my arm "Please just stay until morning, and then talk to him again. If you still want to leave then I promise I won't stop you" I nod my reply then watch as Gen leaves the room and closes the door behind her. I then hear Ryan follow her out of Copeland's room amd back into the kitchen. The door closes behind them both.

I am not listening to them intentionally but I can't help it, they are almost yelling "You can't just ignore this Ryan, you need to tell her"

"This is my problem Gen, it doesn't involve you" Ryan snapped.

"It involved me the minute you told me you slept with my sister" I could hear how upset Gen was and for some reason this made my blood boil. I lost control and rushed out of my bedroom and straight into the kitchen.

"How could you? I thought you were one of the good guys, how could you cheat on Gen with my Mom?" I yelled furiously at Ryan.

"He didn't cheat Mia" Gen quickly defended her husband "It was before we met, nearly 16 years ago"

"Then why are you arguing?" I didn't understand, I mention I was born early and then all of a sudden Ryan goes all weird on me...the finally the penny drops "Oh My God, you slept with my Mom nearly 16 years ago. Are you trying to tell me you might be my dad?"