butterflies ઇଓ matt sturniolo imagines

𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦? ***

content warning:
not much, but stressful driving
situation is described as well
as panic attacks.
if this may cause you stress,
read at your own risk!
i love you all. stay safe.

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     everything was moving so quickly around him. so loud, so red, so irreversible.

     "fuck," matt muttered to himself, biting relentlessly at his jagged thumbnail, the other hand white-knuckled on the steering wheel. "fuck, fuck, fuck."

     horns were honking behind him, in front of him, on either side of him; he felt like he didn't know his right from left as he sat halfway through a right turn at an intersection, stopped dead at a green light. the woman who walked straight out in front of his car smacked angrily on the hood, cursing him out through the window.

"i didn't mean to," matt barely whispered, knowing she couldn't hear him. "she... she walked out into the street! i-it's a green light!"

the boy couldn't let up on himself. the thoughts just poured out of him: what if i hit her, what if she got hurt, what if she died, what if i killed someone, this is my fault, this is all my fault, i wasn't looking i can't drive im a shit driver i almost killed someone what if i crashed what if i died what if-

the lady stormed back onto the pavement behind the crossing sign that had a clear red hand blinking prominently, and matt pulled through the right turn very slowly, just barely scraping the side of the curb. cars rushed passed him and abused their horns, middle fingers flew, all while the driver sat with his eyes shut and tried to catch his breath. his heart hammered in his chest, and all of the car sounds blurred into one blaring scream; his pale hand shook as it hovered over the gear shift, and he sat there on the side of the road, petrified and struggling to breathe and see and feel.

"f-fuck."

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     you didn't catch a glimpse of your boyfriend when you got home. you were slightly off-put by the text messages to him that went unanswered and the phone call he missed, but work had been so long and you'd just finished a double, so the first thought on your mind was food. you tumbled through the front door of your shared apartment with matt and his brothers, heading directly for the fridge. nick and chris sat quietly on the couch in the living room. you gave them both a nod and began digging through the fridge shelves for something leftover, hoping you'd be lucky enough to find something. it can be tough though, because you do all the grocery shopping for boys who never stop eating, and you hadn't gone in two weeks.

     "how was work, you monster?" nick joked, coming into the kitchen for some water. you stood in front of the fridge with a mouthful of cold fried rice, and you smiled awkwardly, which made him laugh.

     "foodleth!" you lisped.

     "i can see that," nick chuckled. "have you talked to matt at all?"

     "no, not thince this morning. where ith he?"

     nick rolled his eyes as you shoveled another mouthful, and he said, "you need some manners."

     "says the guy who walks around in his underwear in the morning."

     "shut up!" nick shoved your shoulder playfully. "anyways, matt hasn't come out of his room all night. he barely said anything to us since he came home from the store, i don't even think he bought anything because there were no bags or anything. he looked freaked out. won't let me in his room."