The Search

35. Andrew

Stunned silence followed Henry's revelation. 

I couldn't move or even utter a single word as I found out the truth, as I found out what had happened to Prutha. 

"She left everyone stunned. For a moment, no one could understand what had happened but then everyone sprung into action. She was immediately taken in for an operation" Henry said. 

He reached forward and squeezed my shoulder. 

"The envelope had two things in it; an affidavit stating that she was a willing donor and another envelope addressed to you. They tried to save her life but she was instantly brain dead. Her organs were saved though and it helped you live" he told me "Prutha is dead." 

I shut my eyes tightly as I processed it. 

Prutha was gone... dead. 

The heart beating in my chest was Prutha's. 

The air I was breathing went to Prutha's lungs. 

Prutha had saved my life. 

I couldn't help the tears that clouded my vision. It was overwhelming. Until a few hours ago, I was just following a suicide note to satisfy my curiosity. Not in my wildest dreams had I expected it to be tied to me in this so closely tangled loop. Until a few hours ago, I couldn't even remember the one person who had saved my life. 

My heart suddenly felt heavy in my chest with a weird pain that I couldn't put my finger on. 

I tried to remember all this but all I hit was a blank wall. 

"All these things happened, that shaped my life, that saved my life... and I can't remember anything of it" I said slowly. 

Mother came towards me and leaned in to hug me tightly. 

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart, I'm so sorry" she chanted like it was some holy incarnation. 

I just let myself be cocooned in her motherly comfort. 

"She gave her life to save me" I said "How could she do that? How could anyone do that for someone?" 

"She loved you, honey" Mother said, patting my back. 

"People do craziest things for love" Father said. 

I realised it then, it wasn't my heart that was feeling heavy, it was my life. I shouldn't have been alive. It should have been her at my place, living a happy, prosporous life. Instead she had just given it up for me. She hadn't just saved my life but had sacrificed her own life for that. 

Prutha, the person who was almost fictitious for me until a few hours ago, was the reson I was alive. Prutha, whose pains I wanted to take away just after reading about them, had faced a painful death bravely for me. 

She was really gone. The person I was searching for this entire time was dead. Her small diary entry which had intrigued me to find the story of her life was finished. There was nothing else left here. 

The thing that hurt me most was that I couldn't remember her. 

I knew her now, this search had helped me find her story. I knew she loved me. In a way, through her story, I loved her too. But I couldn't remember her and that hurt. It hurt so much that I physically cringed. 

Maybe I had been given a new chance at life but that hadn't come free of cost. I lost the person I loved and the person who loved me back. I couldn't even cherish our memories together and that was the worst price to pay. That thought haunted me. 

Anger filled me for a moment. This was unforgivable. I couldn't forgive her. She didn't want to live without me, fine... but did she think I would have wanted to live without her? She was gone but I would forever live with the guilt. She was gone because of me.