Labyrinth

Coma Horrors

Horror is an emotion that sharpens its claws, lacerating your heart as though it is no more than a mere sheet of paper. Its starvation is only cured by fear emitted from its subject, and from there, it nibbles at you piece by piece, until you find yourself praying that the carpet will be pulled from beneath your feet and that you will forever disappear.

Screeching takes over Lucia's ears. Lucia sharts herself, terrified. Jolting up from her heinous body. Wiping her bottom with her right hand, tasting the putrid shart that escaped her body. Confused on how something that rancid came from someone so dashing, or at least that's how she viewed herself, Lucia scans her surroundings anxiously, wondering how she ended up here because she thought she died. However, she licks her hand clean from the poo that divorced from her bum. "How delectable, yummy yum yummers, this is tastier than anything I have ever tasted from the distasteful Great Hall. Even tastier than Doubledoor's lips, just mouthwatering. MMMMmmmmMMMMMM!"

"Are you done.............................Granger?" Slippery snip snap Snaddy Daddy snake rake Snape drawls out. "Never...................................................do.......................................................that.........................................................................AGAIN," he hisses, picking up Lavender Brown's cauldron and throwing it like a frisbee at Lucia's face. It slams against her face and leaves a dent in her humongous forehead, before bouncing on the table like a basketball, slamming her face again, and flying directly at the back of Dracey Poo's bleached head.

Lucia comes back like a boomerang, oou ouu ouuhhhhh ou ou oouuouuuhhh.

"You know I like that, Snaddy." Lucia bites her lip back at him, growling. Twirling her knotty, poop-filled hair. Suddenly, she walks to the middle aisle of desks, and she turns around, with her hand in the air, and squats really low. However, her caca was very visible. She turned around halfway and blew a kiss at the ginger-obsessed man.

As she walks back and approaches her desk, Draco throws up, chunks of green apple landing in her open mouth. Draco, horrified, scurries out of the room, sobbing, yelling "MY FATHER WILL HEAR ABOUT THIS!"

Lucia gulps down the puke with an ugly smile plastered on her face. What can we say? She's really, really ugly. Like really ugly. Like so ugly that she'd immediately ruin your day upon one, quick glance. Like so ugly 37 people have thought they were on a prank show and tried to rip off her hair, assuming it was a wig, or tried to wipe off what they thought was makeup. Like she makes other people vomit; that's how ugly she is. She's the reason Sirius Black died, ugly. Like she looks like a Halloween costume ugly. She walks on the street and people tell her that it's not Halloween yet, kind of ugly. Like she goes to a haunted house for fun and walks out with money in her hand, kind of ugly. Like blind children cry when they see her. Like so ugly that people tell her "looks aren't everything, in fact, for you, they're not anything, at all." Like people ask her if the rest of her family was hurt in an accident, kind of ugly. Like, so ugly she looks like she has been decomposing since the Golden Age. Like so ugly that she was thrown in the dumpster, but the dumpster threw her right back. Like so ugly she caused the Great Depression. Like so ugly her mom tried to give her up but no one wanted her because her ugliness made them die, kind of ugly.

"Good thing I love your father, pookie wookie tookie mookie dookie shookie," she bats her eyes in a hideous manner, as the vomit drips down her chin.

All of the sudden she gets an Instagram notification on her phone, and she starts to twerk out of sheer happiness, and she doesn't stop, even when poop particles splat against the wall.

"Dumbledaddy is now live" she bites through her pinky toe like a carrot, the crust underneath her toe nails adding a kick of spice, nervous about what he will say since the last time they last saw each other was the slobbery smooch.

She joins the live immediately and requests to join it. Dumbledore is eating lemon drops and drinking fire whiskey, when he accepts her request. She is in class when she joins, and she screams at the top of her lungs, her face twitching in the most demonic way possible. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-M-MM-M-M-M-M–MM–M-M-Y–Y-Y–Y-Y-YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY HUSABAND. HE IS LIVE. GIVE ME A SMOOCH DUMBLEDADDY HOOHAH."

When she least expects it, Dumbledore reaches through the phone and chokes her out violently, snapping her neck in half and throwing her head across the room and into Snape's cauldron.

"Sorry about that, students; I'll get back to my lemon drops."

"You know you love me, xoxo," Lucia's decapitated head screams through the boiling of unicorn hair and slug juice.