"Feast your eyes, Scout!" A sturdy man in soldier fatigues points excitedly at a massive winged statue of a woman standing atop one of the many skyscrapers around them.
"Um, Yeah? It's another statue. What's so special bout' this one?" His partner, a skinny man in a T-shirt and jogging pants, known as Scout, looks at him, thoroughly unimpressed.
"Another statue!?!" The helmeted man gestures wildly at the statue behind them in offense, "This is no standard-issue statue, Maggot! This is the Statue of Liberty: A statue built in honor of one of the greatest soldiers to ever live! She took down over TEN-THOUSAND Nazis using only her torch while being SET ON FIRE by the SAME TORCH! Can't you smell the rich American steel smell radiating off her?"
"I smell piss and hotdogs, look, can't we skip the tour and just meet the rest of the guys?" The skinny man pauses, "You DO know where the spot was, right?"
"I killed a man in Germany once," The sturdy man says, "After the war. He was asking for directions. I am proud of this."
"Meanin'?"
"No. I do not know," Admits the man, "We are lost."
"Augh, ffffff-"
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*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*
"C'MON MOVE UP, YE BLEEDIN' IDIOTS!" A well-built man yells furiously in a thick Scottish accent, "I've not enough Scumpy for this SHITE! MOVE. UP!" He blares the horn of his car even louder, further disturbing the occupants in the backseat.
"Quiet you simpleton!" His sharp-dressed companion exclaims from the backseat, annoyance seeping from his French-accented words, "We're in a traffic jam! Yelling at the other drivers won't make them move any faster!"
"Tell that to all the other drivers blarin' their horns at me!" The Scotsman responds "I had FIVE WHOLE BOTTLES of whisky and I STILL feel sober!"
"I doubt killing your liver even further is going to aid our situation."
"Shut your mouths before I shut them for you..." A third, thin man grumbles in his Australian Accent, his hunter's hat tipped over his eyes.
"Mmmph, mph, mph, duh Mph." A fourth individual, wearing a gas mask and what appears to be a fireman's uniform, hums absent-mindedly to themselves while staring out the passenger side window, fully unaware of the argument between his three peers.
He notices a young girl in the car diagonal to them, staring at him with wide eyes. The Fire Man tilts his head to the side and waves kindly at the girl as their car finally starts moving, the girl still staring.
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"Zhen the doctor sliced his arms off, leaving the patient to die of blood loss!" A man in a white labcoat laughs heartily after finishing his tale, clapping his hands onto the shoulders of two of his comrades, the larger of the two laughs along with him, while the other rolls his eyes.
"Still telling zhat old story?" A stern woman in a matching labcoat asks amusedly from afar.
"Come on, Helga," the doctor teases, adjusting his glasses "It is an undisputed classic! Right kamerades?" The Doctor nudges the shoulders of his comrades.
"Da, Helga," the large man says with a thick Russian accent, "Doctor is an excellent storyteller." "Eh, es asi asi," says the shorter man in a distinctly Mexican accent, wearing a hard hat and overalls, "Can you make up a story that doesn't involve someone losing limbs next time? I prefer to keep my lunch."
"Who said it vas fiction?" the doctor says, an insane glint in his eyes.
The two men both look at the doctor with matching expressions of concern when suddenly,
*RING* "I'll get it," the stern woman, known as Helga, says before grabbing the phone off the table.
"Hallo? Scout? Vhere are you and Soldier?" Helga says, irritated, "You vere supposed to be here an hour ago!"
"I know dat!" Scout responds, "Soldier got us lost so he could see dis statue, says it's the 'Statue of Liberty or somethin'."
"I can't believe you trusted Soldier with directions..." Helga grumbles, "Anyway, according to ze map you're at Justice Tower at the top of the city. You and Soldier need to get down here to the Bronze Stage, so take the stairs to your right down so as to not draw too much attention. Helga out."
"Where are Scout and Soldier?" The hard-hatted man asks as Helga hangs up the phone.
"Zhey got lost at ze 'Statue of Liberty,'" Helga responds, rolling her eyes, "but I gave zhem the proper directions. They'll be here soon. Demo, Spy, Sniper, and Pyro should also be here soon."
"Good," says the large Russian man, "Our new boss will be here in an hour."
"Ja, but until zey come, let me tell you another story....." The doctor says, rubbing his gloved hands together.
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The skinny man, known as Scout, looks towards the extremely long flights of stairs leading down to their destination, sighing woefully at the journey to come.
"Oh jeez"
"Come on, Shortstop," Soldier grumbles, "What's a couple of stairs?"
Notes:
In case you're not familiar with the Team Fortress 2 Cast, here they are:
The Skinny Man = Scout
The Sturdy Man = Soldier
The Fire Man = Pyro
The Well-built Scottish Man = Demoman
The Large Russian Man = Heavy
The Hard-Hatted Mexican Man = RED Engineer
The Thin Australian Man = Sniper
The German Doctor Man = Medic
The Sharp-Dressed Man = Spy
Now, why Engineer has a Mexican accent instead of a Southern accent is because this is not THE Engineer, but RED Team's Engineer.
THE Engineer from Texas we all know and see in the main Meet The Team Videos is Dell Conagher, who in the Loose Cannon Comic is part of the BLU Team.
This Engineer is our own OC, who, unlike Dell, is a perpetual grouch and generally is done with his Team's shit half the time.
As for who Helga is, she's The Nurse; GIGO's interpretation of Medic's Wife, who was designed off of some Medic x Heavy x Medic's Wife fanart made by a former TF2 artist.
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RED Operation: NEXT
Fanfiction"This just in folks! Ouroboros, the terrorist organization that held our city hostage has returned! This time, with a team of ten villainous, shady characters that have been identified as the 10 deadliest mercenaries from around the globe! Will our...
