“What do you call a fish without an eye?” Landon struggles to ask as he eats a hotdog in a bun, I know this is one of his “jokes.”
“What?” I asked, rolling my eyes jokingly. I received my own hotdog in a bun a vendor is selling. We’re in a park, it’s the weekend, so we have time together. The vendor then gives me the change, I walked to a bench nearby and sat, Landon sat beside me.
“Fsh.” He said, holding in a laugh as if that joke is sooo funny. “Get it? Fsh cause without the eye? The i like the vowel?” He said and finally laughed as if that was the funniest joke he has ever thought of.
I took a bite off the snack I bought, “you’re cute.” I said that almost made me choke, I don’t know why I said it. I looked at Landon, he’s smiling as if teasing me, then I just look away. WHAT WAS THAT?!
I just made the situation awkward now, ugh. I crumple the wrapper and threw it in a trash can near me, when I feel a droplet on my forearm.
“Crap, let’s go.” I look at Landon when he suddenly talked, “it’s starting to rain,” he said and threw his wrapper in a trash can too. Then he held my hand as the sky starts to pour.
He pulls me urgently, and through the now grey, crying skies, we ran. His car is kind of far which made me worry, but when I look down at our hands holding, his warm hand holding mine through the cold wind, through the wet ground getting through my shoes, made me calm.
Once we got there, he opened the car door for me and lets me in. He drove us to his house.
I got out of the car, admiring the peaceful neighborhood. His house were simple but at the same time elegant. It was colored white, an accent of sage green and black could be seen around it. We parked directly across it.
I wonder how my house would look in the future.
He held my hand and we cross the street.
“Good afternoon,” I greeted and hugged both of his parents. They then happily welcomed me in.
•
Muffled sounds, crashing glasses, I don’t even know, plates? I wake up, a gloomy ceiling, and an even gloomier skies outside the window greeted me. But when I turn to the side, my sunshine, asleep peacefully, in my arms made me smile. I stare as he slowly open his eyes, unlike me, he wasn’t relieved to see me, he was... worried. He looked away.
“Is this happening again?” I asked quietly, hoping he’d still hear me while his attention is on his parents arguing downstairs.
He looks back at me, “I don’t know, I really don’t know what to do anymore, Abby.” He shook his head. I pull him into a hug.
I don’t know what to pay attention to being in between the chaos and my comfort.
Once the chaos calmed down, Landon stood up, “I’ll drive you home.”
I was crushed to hear how cold his voice is, I understand that.
“Okay.” I replied. I picked up my bag and followed Landon to the living room.
Living room that is now a disaster, the peaceful room that I was greeted by yesterday is now filled with hostile shards that once touched would make you bleed.
“Oh, you’re still not over it? Are you kidding m—” A room to our right, his mom appeared, she stopped on her tracks when she sees us. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Abby.” She apologized for all the commotion and covers her mouth.
“It’s okay ma.” Landon answers for me and walks out.
I mouthed “it’s fine” and followed Landon out of the house.
He didn’t wait for me and got in his car then turned it on. And as if the timing is perfect, I feel a drop of tears from the sky on my skin as I opened the passenger side.
Windshield wipers, my heartbeat, my breathing is all I could hear, it was a pin drop silence. Landon’s face is as blank as a blank sheet of paper, but his hands says otherwise, they grip on the steering wheel so hard that they turn pale.
I close my eyes and took a deep breath.
♪ And it feels like the start of a movie I’ve seen before ♪
I open my eyes, and I was greeted by a dark grey sky, in a cold car, with my mom and dad.
♪ But it’s not real ♪
I’m having delusions again.
♪ And you don’t exist ♪
Realization hits me. Landon doesn’t exist, neither does his parents. I opened my phone and paused the music that for some reason perfectly describes me at this moment. Maladaptive daydreaming. It’s a trauma response, I’ve been doing it ever since I remember.
It wasn’t real. None of it is.
We arrived home. It was still a disaster. Pieces of shards everywhere that once touched could make you bleed, and it did. We were in a hospital because of how badly I was bleeding.
I stood in a corner of the living room, further from the front door, wondering how one could clean this.
I look ahead, my parents entering the living room, once their foot stepped in, they start to bicker again.
♪ And it feels like the start of a movie I’ve seen before ♪
