Pov Dumps

If Only I Was

I'm y/n , I'm a highschool student.

I somehow got in to a star section. (Top Class)

Now I take studies seriously because of the change of my atmosphere.

Everyone was studying in my class and they're so serious about it.

I can't help to be also serious about it.

Maybe I was too serious..just like them.

I begun to get concerned about my grades which I usually ignores.

I begun to get stress at the very smallest mistakes I make. Which I usually didn't care about.

Now I felt that I worked too hard but not get recognized.

I accepted the fact I wasn't just enough and I couldn't be always in the top.

And comfort myself that I was at least in with honor. (Top students)

And if I ever not see my name in the with honor list.

I might've lost my mind...

But honestly I've been hanging there pretty tough I say. I'm still in the list- not too low not too high.

Just in the middle.

Time skipped.

It's the last quarter of this grade.

I felt that I might've throw up to how nervous I am.

I was overthinking a lot.

And trying to hide it but my come swear starts to appear.

My smile couldn't stay long

“I didn't really understand well the lesson this quarter."

“I failed half of our quizzes...did I? Did I not?"

I can't remember!

I passed all our PT's(Performance tasks) .. I think I might've forgotten some-

I couldn't attend the classes all the time because I was a feature..(A selection of dancer to present they're whole grade.)

Could've that affect my grades??

I can't.. my heart can't stop beating fast-

The teacher finally entered our class... Everyone stayed quiet and are in they're edges.

The teacher spoke.

Why so quiet everyone?

Relax grade is not everything, You guys can work harder next grade!

I don't think anyone was convinced to that.

The class stayed quiet.

Alright alright. Let me announced the top 20 in the list of with honors and high honors on this quarter of all grade # .

With high honor....Ana!

She was always at the top of our class I mean it wasn't any of a surprised for us she study the hardest out of all of us. She study so hard you can say half of her life meaning is just studying.

Another with high honor at our section is y/n!

You could hear gasp around our class.

My friends were shaking me and congratulating me.

And I was just there frozen...I couldn't stop smiling.

For the first time ever I finally feel that I accomplished something in my life.

I was so proud of myself.

I thought that I will forever stay at the bottom.

I thought that- that was just enough.

But I know deep in side it wasn't. I was just comforting myself.

The happiness I felt was indescribable.

I was so genuinely happy.

For the first time ever I felt excited to go to home and share this good news to my family.

But I guess the world is too fair for that happiness.

I got home and instead of telling them the great news.

What I saw was too dreadful to even smile at the moment.

I saw mom and dad fighting. Again

But this time it's worse.. they're hurting each other.

My siblings are crying.

My relatives are not here.

No one can stopped them.

Tears fall like a faucet in my eyes.

Mama! Papa!.....*sniff* didn't you know that your daughter dreams come true today!

Did you know I was so happy! Yet after school I got home and this is what I go home for?

I just wanna said I maid it... I maid it out of hundreds students like me....

I made it in with high honors.

Aren't you proud? I smiled bitterly at them.

And saw they're faces unimpressed.

I guess they just expect that from they're smart daughter.

I guess they were tired of complementing already.

I should've just been born dumb.

So I don't need to worry about assignment

So I don't need to worry about projects

So I don't need to study for quizzes

So I don't study for my exams

So I don't stress over little things

So that my mom and dad will be impressed if I earn something and not be disappointed when I don't. Cause they won't expect anything from a dumb daughter.

Cause if I was dumb. I be too dumb to even care about school.

If Only I Was...

But still I'm grateful for this. Cause my mother taught me to be always grateful. And I learn to be grateful because of my brain.

I learn to read because of my brain.

I learn to not embarrassed myself because of my brain.

I learned to fit in with smart people because of my brain.

I felt like I'm finally doing something when someone ask me about something they don't understand.

It's all because of my brain.

I'm grateful for everything it did...but I'm also tired because of it..

Should I start to be dumb?

Should I just give up for now?

Should I rest for now?

I felt the rebellious phase going through me..

*Sigh* I shouldn't

I'm already far ahead on this path

I should just continue it until the end of my studies.

Fighting!

A message for all the students reading this all I could say is.

I'm so amazed that you can go to class so early and actually focused to your classes and be also happy sometimes. I'm so amazed that you could do so much in just a little so of a time. I'm amazed that you could do things at the same time and can actually still smile. Do you remember those days that I'm talking about? This was you.

The days that you could've study and be happy at the same time that was you. You get through it in the past why you can't now?

It's all the same but with a little bit different fighting amazing students!!