The pain was there, and so was the mask.
Anika smiled a fake one. Shivaay had returned home, with a bouquet. He got them whenever he was late. Anika had kept the red roses in the dining room before settling for dinner. She got food for them both while coming home from the park.
Shivaay talked about his day at work. All the cases he came across. And all the other things he did. Anika just smiled in return while aimlessly moving her fork.
It had become like that. Now he was the one to do most of the talking. She was not short of words, she did not know what to talk about. Where to start from and where to end. For that, she had too many things to say. She had too many things to tell him.
She wished to complain.
She wanted to cry, keeping her head above his heart.
She wished to sob, clutching his shirt.
She yearned to let her heart out.
She desired to be with him, be really with him.
There were just there. Beside each other. They were present there, physically, but mentally? Emotionally? Spiritually? They were far far away. They were miles apart. In a different world. Surrounded by their pains, their sorrows, their haunting memories, and their love. The love, was it there? They questioned themselves. What was love?
Blinded by the betrayal of fate, the benevolence of love went unnoticed.
Love was there. Still. It had always been there. Love was the reluctance to let go of each other. To leave each other. Love lied in his care. Love rested in her facade. Love settled in the silence.
The game of fate tends to fool us, the facade knitted by destiny makes us blind.
As the dinner went on, mostly with Shivaay trying to initiate the conversation, while Anika tried her best to avoid it. This was not new. She now did not talk much, but her queer silence tonight did not go unnoticed by him.
He know she was suffering. He knew she was hurt. He knew she was in pain. He was aware that somewhere he was responsible for her sorrows.
But wasn't he suffering? Wasn't he in pain as well? Wasn't it hurting him too?
Couldn't she too see that?
He was trying.
He didn't like this Anika. He wanted Anika back. He craved his chatterbox. He yearned for his love. That clumsy, loquacious lady whom he fell for. I Fell hard, fell deep.
He had let her see him break. He had allowed her to heal him. He had permitted himself to expose his most vulnerable side to her.
He had sobbed in her arms, saying things that did not make sense. While she had kept him close. Let him cry his heart out keeping his head on her chest.
How she wished, she could do that too?
Anika was dumbfounded. To see him like that. Not only did it break her heart, but also broke herself,
She did not know if she should also tell him, what she felt. He was going through a lot too. He also lost, what she lost. He was so far from the family he was brought up in, the same where she got to know the meaning of it.
She refused to blame him or hold him responsible for her miseries. She knew, she saw, that he was trying. He was trying to keep his pain aside and heal her. Ever since that incident, he was trying. Her desire to keep her happy was evident. His wish to take care of her was not unnoticeable.
After Anika's miscarriage, their measly bit of hope was lost too. The small ray of light was snatched.
They both had been devastated. Yet they did not show it. Anika tried to pretend to be normal, and the key word is pretend.
The chance of experiencing fatherhood for the first time was lost, and the chance of experiencing maternity for the first was lost.
There was a strange guilt eating up Shivaay. Anika had changed, and this was due to him. This change wasn't a good one. It did nothing but took them far from each other.
What could he do? He couldn't bring their baby back. He couldn't give her the family back. He couldn't keep her happy. Did he not deserve her then?
He wished to ask her, but what? What could he even ask?
What was there to question, that was she okay? Which she was not.
How did she feel? Broken.
What did she want? Family.
What could he do? Talk
He knew the answers!
Yet he wanted to ask. He wanted to know. Know her. She was someone unknown now. Someone he did not know. Someone he couldn't read through.
He desired to complain. He too had lost his child, shouldn't they become each other's support?
Little did he know, that they were supporting each other. They were silent. They feared to let their pain roll down their cheeks, as it would burn them. They were afraid to float in their pain, as it would drown them.
The pain was like snow. There was nothing else in it, just pure, raw pain. It was like a blanket, covering them completely. The layer of pain covered them. It was a covering on them. Concealing all the happiness they still possessed.
They were shattering, yet hideously.
They were broken, yet kept their pieces collected.
They loved, they cared
As they both changed into their nightwear, Anika went to bed straight, while Shivaay took his laptop to work. Now they preferred silence over words.
Things had changed so much. So drastically.
After an hour or so, when he was sure that she fell asleep, he went to her, delicately kissing her forehead, and muttered an almost inaudible 'I miss you' in her ear, little did he know that she had heard it.
Somewhere something was breaking, a heart or a relation?
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At this point, I'm just spoiling you guys with the updates!
