"Hard to forgive" ᵉⱽᵃⁿˢˢᵒⁿ ᵗʷⁱⁿˢ

ii. "our typical life"

Cecilia's P.O.V.:

My feet carried me across the snowy streets of the city.
To get home before my parents, I ran. I could see the garden gate from far away. Although I was freezing, I stepped it up a notch and finally arrived. I rummaged frantically in the shopping bag for the house key, but I just couldn't find it.

"Shit, where are you?" I cursed quietly to myself.

I walked around the house to the patio door.
It was open.
A feeling of happiness spread through me, even though I was surprised that it was open at all. I slipped through the door and closed it behind me.

A small water puddle had already formed inside the room from the snow, but I didn't have time for dry cleaning at the moment. I would do it later, if the puddle had not disappeared by then.

I ran to the dressing room and quickly took off my shoes. Then I ran into the kitchen with the bag and stowed the things I had bought in their places. Only a packet of noodles, some vegetables and a sauce mix remained on the kitchen table. I then got a large pot and filled it with water, then poured a little salt into it.

When the water boiled, I took the scissors from the knife block, which also had its place there, and cut open the pasta packet and the sauce mixture.

Just as I was about to pour away the pasta water, which had cooled down a little, I suddenly heard the front door being yanked open and the next thing I knew it was slamming into the lock.

Sighing, I turned and ran out of the kitchen. I listened quietly. I heard my father running through the house, bawling. He had been drinking. Again.

"Cecilia!", he shouted loudly through the house. Today, of all days, Felix was not there. Fate must hate my guts.

Slowly I went to my father. I stopped in front of him and looked at him.

"Come here my Cecilia", my father called me and opened his arms.

I was supposed to hug him?

Slowly I walked towards him. I smelled the smell of alcohol more and more. I put my arms around him and he did the same.

The smell of the alcohol made me feel sick, but I tried to ignore it. Here it was, the calm before the storm. During the whole embrace, I thought about what would happen next.

I suddenly felt a wet drop on my shirt. My father was crying. He, my father was crying. I did not know why, but I did not tell him.
He slowly detached himself from me and looked deep into my eyes.

Suddenly he gagged until he threw up. I automatically took a step backwards.

"Get rid of that right now!" he shouted, bawling, and turned around.

He walked shakily up the steps of the stairs. Briefly I considered supporting him, but then decided against it as he had almost reached the top.

Now it struck me that for the first time in two months I saw, and felt, what he used to be like. A person with feelings, if only through alcohol. Otherwise he was just yelling. No matter whether he had been drinking or not. He probably wasn't hungry any more.

I ran to the storeroom and took out the cleaning things. With them I went back into the hall. I knelt down and wiped away the vomit. It stank terribly. When I was finally done, I packed the things back into the closet. In the kitchen, I poured off the pasta water and put the noodles in a large Tupperware container. I also put away the sauce and the vegetables.

Quietly I went up the stairs to the first floor to see if he had gone to bed. I carefully opened the door to his room and peered inside. He was lying peacefully in bed, sleeping off his drunkenness. I ran into the room, covered him up and ran back to the door. I pressed the light switch, which then turned off the light. Slowly I closed the door again. I ran into my room and closed the door behind me. I looked into my room. I liked it. My room was like such a retreat for me. My zone where I was just at peace and had peace from reality and civilisation.

(her room)

Breathing heavily, I lay down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling. If the ceiling had holes now, like the ones in the schools, I would probably even have started counting the holes now. My head was spinning.

This had been happening a lot lately. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath in and out.

"What was that all about?", I asked myself while trying to talk myself into it. 'It's all right Cecelia, you'll be all right in a minute. It actually took a few minutes, but eventually I really did feel better.

I had to yawn loudly once. I was really tired.
Slowly I got up again to go to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and then got ready so I could go to sleep.

~

When I opened my eyes, everything was still dark, but I knew I had to get up now or I wouldn't get anything done today.

Tired, I got up from my bed and reached into the darkness with my left hand towards the desk to feel for my mobile phone.

There it was. I pressed it against my side and was immediately blinded by the bright phone display. I squinted my eyes tightly for a few seconds and then opened them. "Why do I forget about this unpleasant brightness of the screen every morning and why don't I remember not to look at the phone immediately in the morning? My eyes are going to be ruined by it." I muttered quietly to myself. No one could hear me anyway, and if they did, they would think I was crazy. I already am, so I don't care. I had switched on my mobile phone again, but this time at least it wasn't so bright, apparently it worked better the second time.

It was 04:57 am. I got up and walked slowly around the room, careful not to bump into anything. When I reached the light switch, I took another deep breath in and out and then flicked on the light. It didn't seem so terribly bright to me. Fortunately for me, it had to be said. I tiptoed to my wardrobe and took out fresh towels and clothes.

(her outfit)

I quietly opened my room door and walked down the small hall to the bathroom. I quickly showered and then went back to my room after changing. No one had woken up, fortunately. I went down the stairs to the ground floor and ran to the patio door. At least there was nothing left of the puddle. One less task I had to do.

****

Second chapter is done!

Stay healthy and enjoy your me-time! (a time in which it's only about you haha, my English teacher told me that)

~ Aurela