To the One Boy I Still Love

3

Lara Jean's POV

Oh no, what have I done? I thought that he knew about Trelcey saying those things. Not to mention all the other anonymous emails and texts. He looks pissed, he's not mad at me, he's not mad at me, he's not "Lara Jean" he started seriously "did someone tell you that?" he asked in a deadly calm voice. "N-no, why would you think that?" I asked nervously. He saw right through my lie. He walked towards me and cupped my face. "Who said it Lara Jean, just tell me, I need to know, I need to know so that I can set them straight" he said in a whisper while caressing my cheek with his thumb. I leaned in to his hand and sniffed a little while holding back tears. "Nothing, it was a while ago, I don't even know who it was" lie. "Really, it's not a big deal" lie. "it was only that one person." lie. "seriously it stopped a while ago, it was just her" lies and lies, I still get texts and emails, even calls on why I'm not good enough for him. I was honestly starting to believe them I just don't want him to worry.

Peter's POV

I know she's lying, I know she wants to cry, I know she's holding it in and I love her for it. Yes love, I love Lara Jean, I really do. I know she's sick so I get her some tea, her favorite, and some soup. I took her to her room and made her lay down. After she had eaten a few spoonfuls of soup she yawned and I told her to take a nap. She started to fall asleep while holding my hand. Once she was asleep I slipped out to clean up. Just as I walked back in to her room she started to roll around in her bed. I was starting to worry when silent streams of tears rolled down her cheeks as she curled into a ball in her sleep. I rushed over to her, untangled her from the sheets and cradled her to my chest. She was too light, I'll have to fix that once she feels better. "Shhhhhh... shhhh Lara Jean, it's ok, it's all ok, I'm here, I'm here and I love you, it's ok" I start to comfort her while I kiss away her tears. She slowly opens her eyes and when she see's me she starts to look away and cover her face. I pull her hands away and turn her head to face me. She notices me staring intently at her and blushes before averting her eyes. "What happened Lara Jean? Tell me whats wrong" I tell her in a stern but soft voice. "It was nothing, just a nightmare" she tells me. I think I remember overhearing her on the phone with Chris.

PHONE CALL

Lara Jean: I just... it won't stop, I haven't slept in days. I'm too scared

Lara Jean: Yeah, yeah ok. No I won't take a pill, it's fine. I'll just, I don't know what's happening, it's the same thing every night. All I hear is their taunting 'I'm not...'

Lara Jean: Yeah, ok. I know. I know. I know Chris. It's just, I'm not sure who I can tell. Well Peter and I aren't exactly talking right now, I know I just, I'm not sure what I'll do. Ok yeah, ok bye.

END PHONE CALL

Yeah I'm sure that has to do with this.

Lara Jean POV

The nightmares. Every night, the same thing, waking up the same way, looking at myself in a mirror the same way. Wanting to change every thing. Peter looks at me with concern in his eyes and I think he might cry. Peter Kavinsky never cries. A tear leaks out of his eye and runs down his cheek. I shakily lift up my hand and wipe it away, leaving my hand there for a while, before I have a mini coughing attack. He smiles in an apologetic way at me and tells me to get some sleep after I drank my tea. I nodded tiredly and held onto his hand. I felt him start to get up so I timidly opened my eyes and called out, "wait, where are you going?" He turned and looked down at me, I was just going to the bathroom. Are you ok?" "Yeah, yeah sorry" "I can stay if you want." "No its ok, you go I'll be fine" I responded while I felt my cheeks heat up. He leaned down and kissed my forehead quickly before walking out of my room. I know I won't be able to sleep unless Peter is near me. I know it's soon but I love him. He walked back in and kissed my head again."Do you think you'll be able to sleep again?" he asked me quietly. I hesitate at first then hesitantly ask him "Do you think you could just lay with me for a while? At least until I fall asleep? I mean I get it if you don't because I'm sick and all, its just that I've been having a hard time sleeping lately and a friend recommended that I find a 'teddy bear' and I'm not sure if we're back together again, I mean I love you and all but I'm just not sure and..." I trail off when I see him stare at me as if I'm the only one in the world. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask him. "I love you too, and I hope we're back together. Not to mention I would love to cuddle with you Lara Jean, cause I love you." Wow, I hadn't even realized I had said I love him until he said it back. And it made me smile. I scooted over in the bed and he got in and pulled me against him. My back to his front, our legs intwined as well as our hands, while his other arm wrapped around my midsection and held me closer. He buried his head into my hair and inhaled deeply. "I like the stuff you're using in your hair. It smells nice, you always smell nice Lara Jean, did I ever mention that to you?" I smiled and shook my head no. I felt him frown and he mumbled something along the lines of 'wow idiot, way to go. You freaking love her and you can't even compliment her' I just smiled and held his hand tighter. Before long I could feel myself drifting off into sleep, but not before Peter played a soft open-mouthed kiss on the hollow of my neck and whispering "Sweet dreams, love".