Please

Growth

Jo stood under the shower head for about five minutes with her eyes closed before she finished the internal argument she was having with herself. The humidity in the bathroom was stifling and she quickly opened the window a crack to let the steam out. She wiped the condensation off the mirror and eyed her reflection.

The clear skin and lack of bags under her eyes were a surprise considering the amount of nagging thoughts that swarmed inside her skull. Did she look different? Did she feel different? Jo clawed her hands through her wet hair harshly, as if she could scratch the dark thoughts away. She could still feel his hands on her skin, and then inside her. Jo groaned and curled into a ball on the floor. She sat on her heels and tried to think of something else.

Marco had woken her, she wasn't sure how long after she had drifted off, gently shaking her and he told her he couldn't stay. Jo was still half asleep, her body so exhausted she was already starting to be pulled back under. He kissed her forehead, squeezing her in one last hug before untangling himself and the bed rocked as he stood. Jo fell asleep almost straight away, but when she woke up in the morning, he was gone.

Truthfully, she was grateful that he hadn't stayed, she needed the space to properly freak out. A heavy discomfort weighted her down in the pit of her stomach and Jo couldn't stop cringing at the memory of how he'd seen her break down. She couldn't have held it together for just a few minutes? What was wrong with her?

What did he think of her? That was probably why he left, her pathetic fear turned him off and now she could never face him. Jo felt tears brimming and stood, scowling. She shook her head and rubbed the dampness from her eyes. She didn't have time for this anyway, unfortunately, she had a job.

Jo wasn't sure she'd be able to get anything done at work, she had been so distracted, but thankfully the simplicity of a data clerk desk job meant that she hardly needed to focus at all. The numbers filled their designated boxes and the world stayed the same. It was actually soothing, though Jo had often dreamed about scrolling pages of digits after particularly long shifts.

On the desk, her phone buzzed in that polite, silent-mode way. Jo ignored it until the repeated buzzing told her that Kate was trying to get her attention. Finally she sighed and sat back in her rolly-chair. The messages continued to roll down the message box after she opened it, and it wouldn't stop until she responded. Jo ignored the first dozen messages and just read the three that came in the next few seconds.

Kate: its been hours
Kate: come onnnn
Kate: spill bitch

Jo's skin prickled as her thumbs hovered over the tiny keyboard. She wasn't sure she should be even talking to Kate about this, Marco was her boyfriend. Sure, she already had one, and Kate had other, less serious relationships while dating Rhys, but Jo imagined that she would be equally jealous if she were in Kate's shoes. Then again, she really didn't know what she would do, Kate spent a long time adjusting to what being poly meant, and the level of communication and understanding she always talked about sounded exhausting and uncomfortable to Jo.

This was new territory, everything about it was new to Jo. Marco, Kate, last night... Jo groaned and ran her hands through her hair, ignoring how it tangled as a result. She bent down to rest her elbows on the desk and breathed.

The phone buzzed again and Jo risked a glance. It wasn't Kate this time, Marco's name appeared on the notification at the top of the screen. Jo stiffened. The events of the night before suddenly sprung from her memory with frightening clarity, as if she was reliving it in full right there in the office.

She switched the phone off and dropped in in her bag beside her. She couldn't deal with this right now. A quick glance at the clock filled her with a little comfort, her shift finished in an hour. She could ignore the outside world until then. Jo stood and almost speed-walked to the bathroom to splash some water in her face, she was sure she was bright red in that moment.