Xhale (On Hold)

Chapter 1

A/N: Apologies for any grammatical errors. I finished this chapter with sleep in my eyes.

S/N: Don't forget to vote and comment.

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I, for one, have no plans after high school. My main task, that has always been my task, was and still is to survive the day. By the end of 10th grade and the beginning of 11th, that was all on everyone's lips. "What next?" While I'm mostly left out of the conversation, well that's a lie. I'm always left out of every conversations. Unless by some default someone remembers I exist and shoot it my way. I really don't mind. Not being a part of the social group at school is quite fine by me, I already have enough on my plate to be concerned about being popular. I'll leave that to the cool kids. First day of September and then by mid November, preparations to exit. By 9th grade you would have already gotten a feel of most subjects to choose by 10th grade. Some of us are already recruited by the respective teachers, so picking what we want to do or not based on our career path is easy.

For me, I want, wanted to be a chef, travel the world, and blow people's mind with my amazing cooking skills. But with the way my life is going, the furthest to that dream I'll probably ever get to is the final CXC practical. I've always been an A student. Did a few CXCs by 9th grade, English, Math and chemistry. With a passing of 1s and 2s, distinctions. Did physics in 10th grade along with literature. 1s again and despite the recognition of my peers and teachers it was still never enough to please my mother. I'm not the apple of her eye, no matter how I follow her instructions to the T, I was still a disappointment. And yes, I've been asked, why? And truth be told I'm a late bloomer when it comes to academics. I barely scraped primary school to be here today. But no one truly knows the demons I fight daily. They stalk me constantly, whispering with venom lacing their voices.

"So, what do you plan to do after graduation? " Peter-gaye, a classmate asked me. I literally forgot that the group around me was having that conversation. I shrug my shoulders. "Really?" She asked and I nod yes. She looked at me along and hard with everyone else before they went back to conversing. And honestly I didn't mind. I was sitting here peacefully until they came. I looked down on my watch and realised that our lunch hour was about to end soon, so I decided to head to the 8th grade block to check on my sister. The only good thing about being at this dreaded place. I walked a few before heading over to the 8th grade building to go up the stairs. When a huge body almost pushed me back down when they ran right past me. "The fuck!" I blurted out looking at him. All he did was continue on his way without acknowledging the fact he nearly broke my neck. I personally wouldn't complain if it actually happened though, cause I was exhausted.

After passing two classrooms I came to a stop in front hers. I looked around before spotting her smile in the corner, deep in conversation with some boy. I walked over to where they sat, she noticed I was coming over and her smile slowly dropped. Yup big sister Sabrina coming to your service. I walked up to the table, stopped and folded my arm looking at him. "Can I help you with something?" He asked without looking up. Okay, so I might be 5'6 but that doesn't mean I'm not his senior. Shania slapped him on the arm, "Kevin!" She scolded. He looked up at me for a split second before doing a double take when he realized it was me. "Oh crap, Sabrina," he looked at me apologetically. "I didn't realized it was you" he continued.
"That doesn't justify your attitude" I said while I leaned back on my right leg and tilt my head. He smiled and got up before telling Shania and I goodbye. I shaked my head and sit in the seat he had. Looking at Shania was like staring in the mirror. The only difference was that she was slimmer,a little taller and a shade lighter than my brown complexion. She had curly brown, reddish hair like myself. We got in trouble a few times with the dean. According to her, our hair colour isn't the right shade and we need to stop lightening it. Didn't know we could fix our DNA and genes just like that. I looked at her and smiled, she smiled back. We didn't talk, we sat in silence for a few minutes before she broke the ice.
"How did half the day went for you?" She looked at me. Like I said, I'm the big sister but most days I forget how mature she is and how intuitive she has become as we grew up. Our dad died when Shania was three, so she pretty much don't have any memories of him, I on the other had, sometimes his face goes in and out of focus in my memory. Mom doesn't have much picture with him. According to her, Shania and I are a walking reminder, and as the older one, I feel the blunt all the time.

I felt her pat my hand and I zoned back in. "It was okay," I looked around her classroom. "Some group of kids wanted to know what I had planned after graduation" I shrugged my shoulder. She hissed her teeth in annoyance.
"It's not even November yet" she commented. I rolled my eyes in agreement. "So what did you say?" She leaned forward. "Nothing," I replied. I could feel her eyes creating holes in the side of my face.
"You know that's a lie right?" Shania pressed.
"I know," I looked over at her. "Just leave it at that because what difference would it make?" I asked. More of a rhetorical question but Shania being who she is proceeded anyways. She hissed her teeth.
"The difference is if you would just fight back with mom rather than taking all her-" I got up with tears in my eyes before she could finish. I walked off. And she followed.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I cut her again. I turned around and wiped at the tears that started falling. A few of her classmates started looking at us.
"It's okay Nia, just," "I'll see you at home" I said to her before leaving.
"Aren't we going home together?" She shouted. I didn't respond. I felt lime if I made any form of attempt to respond I'd burst open. So I went to the one place I could for escape, the nurses station.

When I walked, the room was empty. So I took to one of the sick bays that was in the corner and laid down. And the tears came. Full water works. My chest got tight and I started having difficulties breathing. I didn't even heard when the door opened and closed.
"Sabrina!" I heard a voice. "You have to breathe" it said before pulling me to a sitting position. I tried following the instructions but with no luck. "Open your eyes;and follow me" it repeated. I slowly opened my eyes and noticed that it was nurse James. She was doing deep breaths. "In through the nostrils and out through the mouth" she went on indicating I should follow her instructions. I did as she said after a few minutes, I was better than a few minutes ago. She got up and walked over into her office before coming back with a small bottle of water and handed it to me. I took it with a thanks, pull the cap off drank. I didn't realized how thirsty I was until I removed the bottle from my lips. Nurse James had pull a chair in front of me and sat down. Silence came between us as u git uncomfortable under her intense glare. I braced for the question.

"What happened?" She asked. Looking at me. I felt naked, like I was under a microphone. Having all my flaws and imperfections criticize. The worst part is when we made eye contact. I could swear she was reading my soul. Bowed my head and started picking at my fingers. "I really wish you'd talk to me Sabrina," her hands laced mine. They were soft. They are always soft to the touch. Nurse James is a petite woman. With thick relaxed hair that she has in a bun at the back if her head. She's a few inches taller than me with beautiful dark brown skin. She deported her white nurse attire as required, it was close fitted but not tight. It fit her perfectly. Showing off her curves. A few occasions where she wore jeans had confirmed she had a nice ass. "Maybe we should have another meeting with your mom" she continued. I could hear the worry in her voice. It took all my might not to beg and plead with her not to. The last time we had a meeting. I got some fuck beatings when I got home that day. I had to stay home for a couple of days off school for the swelling to go down. 17 and my mom handles me like I'm in of of those kickboxing competition. Least I can do her for is when she started avoiding direct face hits. But the back of my head knows no mercy.

"It's okay Nurse James" I looked up at her and smiled. She pulled her brows down before getting up. I could tell she wanted to press further but decided against it. She pulled the chair back in its spot before looking back at me. "Stay her until the final bell, I'll go get your stuffs" said to me before walking out the door. A few minutes went by and I decided to lay back down. I woke up to the sound of the door slamming and distant conversation. I looked at the watch on my mind and noticed that it was 2:35pm. Schools out and I need to head home. My bag was at the foot of the bed, I took it up and came out of the room as quickly as I could. I brisk past a few students and beeline to the exit when I spot Nurse James heading to my direction. While I adore the lady, the last thing I needed was a counseling session. I bug into my phone, went to contact and searched for Nia. I dialed it off.

"Sis?" Her voice came over. Could tell she was worried.
"Where are you?" I asked heading down the street to the buss stop.
"On a bus heading home" she replied.
"Okat I'm right behind you" I continued.
We both hung up. I for one definitely need to get home to face the monstrosity that was waiting on me like clock work. What did I do to deserve this? Nothing, just simply existing.

Hi, I'm Sabrina Vincent and my life is fucked.