If You Were Mine

Fourteen

EMILY

Ang bigat ng phone ko as it vibrated in my pocket. Ayokong tignan kung sino yung tumatawag. Yeah it might be important, but if it's James, and makikita kong sya yung tumatawag, baka sagutin ko. I'm not crazy about the idea of talking to him right now and I found myself feeling guilty about that. Kaya ayokong tignan kung sino. I just let it vibrate as I slowly chewed my food. At least if I don't see kung sino yung tumatawag, mas less yung guilt.

Hindi naman sa ayaw kong kausap si James, pero there are things I'd rather keep myself from thinking about habang magkausap kami.

He doesn't deserve you, Emily.

Nakakainis that Steven's voice kept echoing in my ears the whole weekend. Pag natutulala ako, when my family asks about James (na usually I just simply answer na busy sya and busy din ako), pag matutulog nako, pag naririnig ko yung word na 'deserve' (na hindi ko naman talaga naririnig pero I just kept thinking about it). Basta all the freaking time.

He doesn't deserve you, Emily.

Yeah, yeah. So what now?

Tatapusin ko nalang lahat and I'll waste away the 8 years that we've been together? 8 years. At that time na nalaman ko yung ginawa ni James, hindi ko din kayang isipin that I will just give up all those years without even trying to work it out.

Tapos ano? It only took one conversation sa loob ng elevator to make me doubt yung naging desisyon ko two years and a month ago?

Pero yun din yung tinanong ko sa sarili ko after what happened. — Did I deserve it?

Partly, feeling ko oo. Kasi hindi naman ako perfect na girlfriend, and napaka hirap din ng long-distance relationship. Sakto lang that we both feel we were built for it—hindi kami clingy sa isa't-isa, understanding kami pag busy yung isa kasi we both know na important para saaming dalawa yung mga trabaho namin and yung naiipon namin, and we both know that in the long run being apart was for our future together. Pero kahit ganon, alam ko din na madami akong hindi nabibigay sa kanya. That was where I was coming from when I defended what he did—na ako din may pagkukulang. And dahil mahal ko sya.

Kalimutan mo na Em, tapos na yon. Gusto kong sabihin sa sarili ko ng malakas at paulit-ulit.

"Em!" Marvin waved his hand in front of my face.

"Ay sorry. Anong pinaguusapan natin?" I willingly pulled myself out of my thoughts.

Inirapan ako ni Marvin. "Ngayon pa talaga lumilipad yung utak mo! We got engaged!!!"

Nagulat ako. "Ha?? Engaged na kayo ni Matteo?"

Natawa si Beth, and umirap naman si Lexie. "Si Atty. Tasha and Atty. Juarez yung engaged. Nakikiepal lang yang si Marvina. Gusto nya tatlo sila sa engagement."

"Ohmygod!" How did I miss this conversation??? "Wait paano? Kelan? Anong itsura ng singsing?"

At least ngayon di na inis si Marvin dahil buo na yung atensyon ko. "Thank you Em dahil interested ka na finally sa pinaguusapan natin at sa mga totoong importante sa buhay. Nung weekend nag propose si dad!" Yup, kunyari hindi importante yung iniisip ko.

Lexie mocked-cringed sa kaibigan namin. "I think ayaw ka nilang maging anak."

"Wag kang epal ok? Give this to me! Once lang maeengage yung mommy ko." Marvin stuck out his tongue at her.