Sea of Glass ✔️

Chapter 47 - Identity Crisis

My husband hasn't been himself lately. His behavior has become strange, but perhaps I'm seeing things. After all, I wouldn't exactly call myself sane either.

Thanks to Anhel, I spent all of yesterday chasing a child smuggler and gutting him like a fish. I could still hear the smuggler's screams in my ears, a sharp and uneven noise I had trouble blocking out from my nightmares. There was also the matter of the blood. Gods, there was so much of it in the river, but there had been no other way of getting it out of my skin and clothes.

I told Haydn that I was wandering the island and he was content with that explanation. A part of me felt guilty for not telling him the truth, but it hadn't been an outright lie. I explored areas beyond the village and the hills to find the man Anhel wanted me to kill. I was given no other clue aside from a mental projection of what he looked like. I was surprised I found the man at all.

But it didn't end there. There were more people after him who also deserved death, a cluster of specks that made up the corruptive stain of the Mortal Realm. My job of cleansing the earth was far from complete.

Sometimes, I thought life would have been better if I never left Myrania. Had I not found the courage to stow away on that ship, I would be in Cinervel, killing Demons instead of humans. There would have been no guilt in that, building my legacy on the bodies of dead monsters.

More faces flashed in my mind's eye. I wondered if they knew I was their damnation.

I stayed in bed the whole morning, disturbed by what I was becoming. I was no murderer. I never had been.

When I was first taught to fight, it had been drilled into me to never do more harm than necessary to my opponent. Disarm. Confuse. Concuss. Never did anyone say that killing was acceptable.

I wasn't above morality. I knew I crossed a line, even if it was to serve my God.

I sank deeper into the sheets, pulling the covers over my head to block out the sunlight. How the universe felt I still deserved to live was beyond me.

"Darling," Haydn called out. "Please have some breakfast. You can go back to bed after."

"I'm not hungry," I lied, my words muffled from beneath the blankets. I was full of sin, but that didn't make me any less vulnerable to my human impulses.

"I can hear your stomach rumbling. I won't leave for the butcher's shop unless I've seen you eat." He was standing over the bed judging by how close his voice was. Lately, he grew clingy, sticking by my side more than usual. As much as I loved him, his neediness irritated me.

Whatever changed his behavior, needed to go away.

"Leave the food out. I'll eat later."

He pulled back the covers far enough so that he could see my face. The sparkle of his glamour hurt my eyes. I squinted at the brightness of it all. I swore a layer of my eyeballs peeled back.

He placed a kiss on my forehead. "I love you." There was a tinge of sadness in his smile.

Before I could ask him about it, he walked out the door, leaving me alone in the cottage. So his strange behavior continued.

Perhaps it had something to do with Odi. Their chaotic dynamic would drive anyone mad. I preferred what I had with Anhel, the way his silent guidance forced me to learn how to use my abilities. I wouldn't have tolerated being yelled at or any kind of verbal abuse. Had I any authority over the Gods, I would have told Odi to be kinder to Haydn. My soulmate had seen enough horrors in his lifetime.

He would understand what I was going through, being forced to kill for my God. I should have told him sooner, but I still couldn't get over the shame I felt.