6:11

0.2

/ S A M A N T H A /

Nothing pretty much changed since these past few days, it only got worse every second. Mom was still her. Trev was still at the hospital, and I am still the same old fūcked up Sammy. I was still looking for a job to send Trev in his chemotherapies, yes it's hard but I'd rather work my ass off than to see my brother lifeless. I have a job though, which is enough to support Trev, but I
need more money.

Walking down the pavement I decided to stop for a coffee, clear my mind of for awhile, but when I pushed the door opened a flyer was posted with the words WANTED: WAITRESS. I guess this is my lucky day, well I hope so at least.

I went to the counter, a brown hair, fine looking boy, leaning against the glass counter smiling at me. " I'll have a caffe latte please," I muttered, he smiled and said, " That'll be $2.50." I reached for my pocket and handed him the money. " I'll serve it to you later, name please?" The guy asked, smiling again. If I was given a dollar for every time he smiled, I'd be a millionaire. " Sam, Samantha. That's my name." I said as I smiled. He nodded and I walk around the shop, looking for a place to sit.

I sat down, reaching for my phone, blasting some music in my ears, I was listening to all time low's new album, playing old scars. I slightly move my head, tapping my fingers on the table as I sang along

I wont fade away

Be forgotten or just cast away

This life is mine to live

I wont fade away

I am lost inside this endless haze of life

But this life is mine to live

I was singing along with my eyes closed, when I heard a cough which startled me, revealing the same guy at the counter. " Uh Sam right?" He asked and I nodded, he sat down and placed the latte on my table, earning a raised eyebrow from me. " You don't mind if I sit with you right? My shift just ended so yeah.." he chuckled. HE CHUCKLED. " Yeah sure I don't really mind, might as well keep myself occupied with someone," I smiled.

We sat their smiling at our stories, minutes later I found out that his name is Calum, his 18 and he lives with his friends since their parents lived at Sydney. The time we spent talking made me come to a point and realised that we can consider ourselves as acquaintances, I like that to be honest. Having someone to talk with, without that feeling of being judged, but then it hit me.He doesn't know the real me. He can't find out who I really was, I was about to stand up and leave but then I remembered that I needed a job, so I awkwardly coughed and decided to ask him.

"So, I read that you guys need a waitress?" I smiled in which he returned as well, "Yeah like ASAP. Salary per hour is $8 if you do your work well might even reach $12," he chuckled and I nodded. " Alright then, when do I start?" I laughed. His jaw dropped, eyebrows crooked, " are you serious Sam?" I nodded and he screamed, " YES FINALLY A CO WORKER WHO IS A GIRL! A GIRL!" I laughed at his childish behaviour earning a few glares from the customers. I just shrugged continued my with our conversation.

-

I was walking along my street with Calum who decided to walk with me, when I saw my mom outside with a guy. "Oh Shit." I mumbled. " What's wrong?" Calum asked with concern in his eyes. " Nothing I just uhm, we kinda, you might, uh shit, i'll just see you tomorrow bye!" I stammered as I pushed him away. " No wait Sam tell me what's wrong!" He yelled. "Fūck off alright?!" I snapped, he just sighed and walked away.

Once he was out of the view, I quickly ran to our back door so I wont be spotted but failed when someone grabbed my shoulder, I gulped and faced the man. " Hey there Sam Sam," he smirked and my mom laughing. I just sighed and asked, "What do you want?" He chuckled but not in a cute way, he chuckled with intentions which scares me to death. He handed me a bag and I quickly grabbed it. Heading straight to my room. I placed the bag under my bed, feeling guilty as usual.

And then I found myself staring at the empty wall, seconds later I began sobbing. I couldn't call someone, not even Calum, like I said, I was alone. No one will ever be in this with me, no one is willing to be with me, not even my mom and not even my dad, he doesn't care. Because if he does he shouldn't have left, he would still be there to sing me to sleep. He should have stayed and read me stories no matter how old I am, here with me, talking about our problems and how our days went. He will be there with me in even my darkest days, I wouldn't be afraid to face my mom. I wouldn't be doing this.

Do you ever just sit in your room and ask yourself why? Ask million of questions that wouldn't be answered no matter how hard you try. Do you ever just begin to cry yourself to sleep when you don't find comfort in everyone around you, not even with yourself, you feel disgusted with what you do, you feel ashamed of who you are, sometimes you just want to be someone else, someone who is not you. Someone that everyone wants and could've ask for. You feel sad, depressed and lonely, because no matter how hard you try, it's never enough. It'll never will be. Your thoughts keep on hunting you down, it's always pulling you away from what you want and you just feel like drowning. You feel so hopeless.

I was wandering around my room, hearing my mom laughing with her friend which scared me, and that's where I decided to go to the place. Alone from all of the sadness, from all the problems, and I just simply be by myself. Who would want to be in my situation anyway? I always find ways to screw things up. So I simply sneaked out of the window and walked my way to the station.

-

Here I find it peaceful, sitting on the tracks. Sometimes I find myself staring down the tracks, isn't it weird how in a matter of seconds you can just be a memory? Isn't if weird if I just jumped here right now, no one would even notice that I'm gone. I could just puff and vanish and no one would care and that's where tears began streaming down my face. All I wanted in life was to become someone who is worth it. Someone who is special to someone. A girl who is not me. I began sobbing once more, I brought my knees up to myself, hugging them tight. All of memories hitting me once more, yes I was alone and I was crying but I find it soothing, but then all of a sudden the silence was broken when I felt a hand tap my shoulder, which scared me, because after all, this place was abandoned.

--

HII SO ANYWAY THAT LINE FROM THE LAST STANZA WAS FROM A PICTURE I SAW AT TWITTER OR SOMETHING SO YEAH CREDS TO THAT.

And Idk how much you actually pay for sam's work lololololol im nit american or what so everer

I hope you're enjoying this so far, vote comment and share >:))) we lavyuh!

Btw i met these awesome famballs on twitterrrr if ure reading this, continue to do so :P love u mum 😂