Homesick

Adjustment To Change

I stare at the clock on my bedside table. It reads 11:05 pm. Time feels like it's moving fast considering I have to make a decision that will change my life for the next few months.

I decide to do what do very well, which is writing. I grab a piece of scratch paper off my side table and write down the words 'Pros vs Cons'.

I immediately fill up the pros list; spend the summer with my two favorite people in the world, travel, create unforgettable memories, have a chance to be spontaneous, and again be with my two favorite people.

I stare at the blank list of cons and then I think of one thing and underline it; be a disappointment for parents. This con has haunted me my whole life, but I can't let them control me anymore.

I grab the tie-dye backpack and fill it with all of the sweatshirts I own, underwear, socks, some t-shirts, shorts, and leggings.

I change into comfy light blue sweatpants and a white tank top.

I take off the makeup I had put on tonight and look in the mirror and see my bare face. I hate looking at myself for too long. I'm a highly critical person especially of myself whenever I see my bare skin I wish there was a marker that could erase all my imperfections and freckles.

I go to my bathroom and gather my hygiene products. I try to rack my brain to see if I'm missing anything.

I check my watch. It's 11:50 and then anxiety hits me. I would feel awful leaving and not telling my parents goodbye. I don't want them to think I've gone missing. I'm not even sure if they love me enough to care but I'm an overthinker.

I feel my phone vibrate and answer it to hear Nickalos's voice come through. He tells me he's about to pull up to my house.

I gather all my things and hope I don't forget anything. Before I leave I write my parents a note letting them know I'm safe and will be with Nick and Karla and if they need me call me.

I doubt they'll call. They will probably cry tears of joy tomorrow morning once they find out about my absence.

I head down the stairs and quietly open and close the front door. I am met with a teal van with stickers all over it--- the Twinkie!

I run to the van and open the door. It is stuffed full of bags I can only assume are Karlas.

"Lotte! Couldn't be happier you made it" Nick says looking back at me from the driver's seat.She ywans, "Mmm...same.".

I enter the Twinkie and sit on the mini pull-out couch. To my right, I see Karla on the twin-size bed with her eyes closed.

"I see someone's already comfy" I joke.

"Yeah, she has been half asleep since I picked her up. Whatever shit she drank at your grandparent's house knocked her out"

I let out a fake laugh as Nick pulled out of my house.

I feel my emotions bubbling inside of me. Guilt, sadness, anger, and worry are all combined. God, why do I have to be so sensitive? My parents couldn't give two shits I didn't say goodbye...or didn't give them one last hug. Just thinking about it makes my eyes water.

I stare off into the distance feeling tears roll down my face, regretting not saying goodbye. Yes, I'm sure they would have yelled at me but not gotten that closure. This is the possibility of them just holding me and telling me that they will miss me when I'm gone. Now I just have to sit in my thoughts, in what could've been.

"Charlotte?"

I snap out of whatever trance I'm in and see Nickolas' worried face looking behind his shoulder.