The Locked Mind

Where it all started(Page 1)

I was just 5 when I got to meet my dad for the first time. He was a stranger to me so I stayed by my siblings side, hiding and scared because I didn't know the man and all men scared me because of what I had to deal with at home. I was taught that men were power, they ruled over the women and children, I was taught to always listen to what they say or I'll get beat for not listening. But the more I got to meet my dad the more I saw how different he was from my stepdad, he was kind to me....

"Hi dad...Can I get a drink from the fridge?" I ask him as I fidget with my fingers while looking at the ground, scared he'll say no, scared that my siblings will get onto me for asking

"Sure mija, you don't have to ask for a drink here, just grab one." He said as he patted my head and with a soft smile

I looked up from the ground and looked up at him with a smile on my face as I said thank you and ran to go get myself and my siblings a drink as well "Dad said we can get a drink!!" I passed a drink to each one of them with a smile still on my face but that quickly went away when I heard one of them talk

"Of course he did. You're spoiled and you get whatever you want from him.." They said as they took the drink from my hand and walked away to go do their own thing without me

I didn't know what they meant by this so I just looked at my drink with anger in me, I didn't even want the drink anymore, I just wanted to hang out with my siblings and with my father that I just met but I couldn't even do that. My father and step mother were outside smoking or drinking while the siblings were on their phone, DS, playstation or just outside playing something while I was inside alone, not sure what to do. I was scared of the old men and old lady that they had there, I didn't like how they tried to speak to me, I was scared that they were going to do something to me so I hated to be alone inside. But I also didn't want to bother my older sibs so I just stayed to myself, playing with the little toys I had with me.

.........

Therapist: "What were you scare of?.." She asked as she wrote something down from what I just said

Lucas:"I was scared of their hands...I didn't like they they touched my head or shoulder.." I kept my head tilted as I starred out the window, my hands intwine together

Therapist:"I see and that's ok, not wanting to be touched is fine but how come you didn't want to be touched?" She asked another question as she tilted her head to the side with the pen tapping on her knee as she waited for something else to write down about me

Lucas: "Well, that also all started that night...I still remember everything that happened and how I felt as well, it confused me as well...I didn't know what to do, I was so little.." My leg started to bounce as I leaned against my hand a bit, still looking out the window as I spoke

......

We went home at 8pm that night, mother didn't want us out late and she said it was because we had school the next day but I don't know why she wanted us home at 8pm every time we were with him but that night was a scary night and I wished I didn't go home. I wished I stayed with my father, away from here, away from him....

"I'll see you all next weekend, I love you kiddos.." My father said as we all got out the car when we got home, he seemed a little sad to see us go but I didn't know why, I remember waving bye to him as I watched him drive away.

I walked into the house with my siblings and we all do a sigh because this is where our freedom is taken from us. They go and do their own thing again while I go and get myself ready for bed, it was around 8pm so it was passed my bedtime. I was tired and just wanted to sleep anyways so I laid in bed and fell asleep pretty fast but later that night something....someone...climb onto the bed and laid behind me.

I was scared and confused but I thought it was just my older sister, maybe she had a nightmare, maybe she just needed to give my other sister some space? Well I was wrong, it wasn't my sister so when I felt their old and cold hands on my side I looked at my brothers bunkbeds, hoping they would wake up, hoping they would save me from this stranger, hoping they would hear me saying help...All I could do was get up and go to the restroom but he followed me to the restroom and watched me, he didn't take his eyes off me, I was scared to move, scared to talk. I didn't want the stranger to get upset with me, I didn't want anyone upset with me so all I could do with put up with this...

The next morning I went to my mother and I told her..."The old man was in my bed last night.." But of course she didn't believe me, I was just a little girl to them, they thought I didn't know better or that I was just telling lies. No one would listen to me but when my step dad got home I hid in my room. I didn't want to see him, he scared me and I was scared that my mother would tell him but she didn't and there was part of me that wished she did because what if he believed me? What if it just stopped there? Would he save me? Would mother save me? I remember sitting there with my toys when my brothers walked in to play with their toys, I remember wanting to tell them, I was bitting my tongue the entire time. I wanted to tell someone else, I wanted someone to save me from this..

........

Therapist: "That must have been tough for you. At such a young age, you felt unsafe in your own home. I'm sorry that happened to you but time is up. You're doing wonderful, how do you feel now though?" She was speaking while writing stuff down about me but I didn't care anymore

Lucas: I turned my head to her and shrugged as I let out a sigh before getting up from my seat "I feel ok? I don't know if I'm being honest, no one really knows this but it kinda feels good to talk about it I guess. It is hard to dig into my past but I guess it's better out than in? Right?"

Therapist: "Now, that is true, it's better out than in but don't force yourself Lucas, I am here to help you cope with your past but remember that you're helping your mind by talking with me about this. I will see you next time. Keep your head up Lucas, you're a good kid.." She opened up her door and did a little nod along with a soft smile

Lucas: "Thank you...See you next time ma'am.." I saw as I walk out the room with my hands in my hoodie pocket

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If you know someone who might be dealing with this then please take it serious and get them help!! You or anyone are not alone, there are people out there who will help you.

Next page will be uploaded soon, stay tone and listen to his story, maybe this story will help some people or you. BYEEEE, love you all!!!