Fair maden (Stan Marsh x reader) (based on the black Friday episodes)

2- A Song of Ass and Fire

Y/n's POV

"FUCK!" I've barely woken up and I hear Eric shouting. I get up and peak my head downstairs to see him in his wizard outfit, I guess I should get changed too. "That little traitorous bastard! Lady McCormick can't just switch sides like that!" I guess Stan's plan worked.

"It's Princess Kenny now, Cartman." Kyle says. I run off for a second, put on my gown, brush my hair and do a small amount of make-up.

"We can't get distracted, we're doing to proper fights today for training. One person leaving won't completely ruin us." Clyde says, almost trying to reassure Eric.

"You're right. We'll show that bastard that he chose to go to the wrong side." A few minutes pass and, far too suddenly, I'm standing on my cousin's left side watching as butters and another guy fight. People are cheering from either side, honestly, this is the most pathetic fight I've ever seen.

"Alright, stop, stop, stop!" Clearly, Eric agrees. "This is not how you fight. You think this is a joke? On Black Friday, there's going to be thousands of shoppers trying to get inside that mall keeping you from getting Xbox Ones. So what do we do? We survey each enemy and we attack their weak spot. Scott as diabetes so we hit him in his weak spot." Eric jabs at Scott with his staff, Scott falls to the ground in pain. "There's another army out there who thinks they're better than us and we are not going to be beat by that traitor whore, Kenny! Get back to training!" Eric is serious about this holy shit. He goes off with Kyle and talks to him. These guys are idiots, the lot of them. This is such a stupid thing to fight over, but honestly, I'm fighting too so I must be just as stupid, yes. Yes I am.

"Hey maiden Y/n?" Clyde's talking to me, I mean, I don't think I've ever talked to him out-right but I've definitely been in conversations that also have him in them.

"Yeah? You're Clyde, right?" Clyde smiles at me.

"Sure am. Listen, Cartman seems pretty pissed off about this whole thing. Try not to do anything that could set him off any more, ok?" I nod my head, does he know something? I sure as hell hope not. Cyle looks me up and down, he does now something. I need to know what.

"What do you know?" I ask him, he doesn't look confused at all, his face is completely blank.

"We must march!" Eric exclaims to the group. "We must see Lady McCormick. We if we can convince them to come back we could convince others to come with." We put Eric on a pedestal and we're walking to the McCormick house. I'm helping carry Eric and I lock eyes with Clyde, I squint at him. What does he know? Tolkien knocks on the McCormick house's door. Mrs. McCormick answers it.

"Yes?"

"Hi, is Kenny home?" Eric asks.

"Uh yeah, Kenny's out back playing with his friends."

"Forward men!" we try to get Eric through the door but it's a little difficult. "That- no- no, you gotta turn me." We finally get Eric into the house, everyone on our side following behind.

"It's the enemies! Defencing p-po-po-positions!" a crowd of people saying a mix of 'protect the princess' 'get out of here' and 'kill them' were all blocking our passage towards Kenny.

"I seek audience with the traitor, Lady McCormick."

"Let them pass!" Stan Shouts from behind the crowd. The swarm of people all part so we could see Princess Kenny, sat on her thrown. I look at Stan but his eyes are stuck on Eric.

"Welcome to the kingdom Cartman, state your purpose." Kenny said, it was very muffled under her orange Parka. (Yes, that is actually what she says I believe)

"The Princess bids your fat ass welcome to her kingdom and suggests you state your purpose."

"You can't win this, guys. Look around you. Lay down your weapons and you can come back and fight for Xboxes with us on Black Friday."