Harry Potter but Guns

So it begins

Once upon a time in Hogwarts, the magical world was turned upside down when a new Headmaster, General Granger, came in with a new rule: all students and teachers must carry guns at all times. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were taken aback by this sudden change, but they quickly adapted and began carrying their newly issued wands with pride.

The first few weeks went by without incident, but things quickly took a turn for the worse when Draco Malfoy, armed with a semi-automatic wand, started a duel with Harry. The two of them exchanged spells, but Harry soon found himself outmatched by Malfoy's firepower. That's when Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a Glock 17.

"Expelliarmus this, Malfoy!" Harry shouted as he aimed his gun at Draco's wand. But before he could pull the trigger, Professor McGonagall appeared out of nowhere and confiscated Harry's firearm.

"Harry James Potter! What do you think you're doing?" she scolded.

"I was just trying to protect myself!" Harry protested.

"Protect yourself? With a muggle weapon? This is Hogwarts, not some American high school!" McGonagall replied sternly.

Harry sheepishly put his gun away and promised to stick to his wand from then on.

Despite the incident, the Hogwarts Gun Control policy remained in effect, and soon, the entire student body was armed to the teeth. Neville Longbottom, who had always been a bit clumsy with his spells, found his true calling as a sharpshooter with his trusty Glock. Hermione, ever the overachiever, took to carrying a sniper rifle and would perch herself atop the castle turrets during battles.

But it wasn't just the students who were packing heat. Professor Dumbledore, who had always been a bit of a pacifist, started carrying a .44 Magnum revolver, much to the shock of the other teachers. Even Hagrid, the gentle giant, got in on the action and began carrying a sawed-off shotgun.

With everyone armed and dangerous, Hogwarts became a much more dangerous place. Quidditch matches turned into full-blown gunfights, and classes often devolved into shootouts between rival factions. The Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry, which had always been heated, became a full-fledged gang war.

It was like Hogwarts was becoming the next America. They were going to have to build a new wing just to house all the guns. And what about the House Elves? Were they going to have to carry guns too? How about the giant squid in the lake? Would it need a Glock 19?

In the end, the Hogwarts Gun Control policy was repealed, and things slowly returned to normal. The students and teachers went back to using their wands, and the occasional butterbeer-fueled brawl was once again the worst thing to worry about. But for a brief moment in time, Hogwarts was a very different place, where magic and firearms collided in hilarious and unexpected ways.