Poems and Other Stuff

Self-Harm

Self-Harm

Eyes darting downwards, slightly widened in awe,

Focused on the stream of a colour so raw,

Hands shaking strongly, have suddenly gone still,

Momentarily calmness comes from satisfying this will.

The ache becomes more present as I snap out of this daze,

Eyes looking up and clearing from the haze,

Time stats tunning again, and slowly it comes back,

The need to do more and the fear of the lack.

My heart starts to race and my breathing picks up,

I start to feel empty and want to fill the cup,

The cup called "desire and need" has been full,

But only for minutes or seconds, just barely and dull.

The little euphoria is suddenly gone,

I realize what happened and what I have done,

My eyes that have been sparkling start clouding, become dull,

Head that was empty is again way too full.

I pick up the sent and my guts start to twist,

Realization hits, I am just another number on a list,

My limbs are tired but I need to clean myself,

Putting down the razor and pitying my mental health.

The blood keeps on dripping but I really don't care,

I wont do it again, I promise, I swear,

No matter how hard I try to keep true,

I know it will happen again and I bet so do you.

The desire is to strong, no matter the effort,

Each of the promises is nothing more than an empty word,

I cannot let them see it, I simply can't show,

No matter what happens they can never know.

The scars start to fade and I can be more free,

I can sense happiness, I finally found the key,

But wait, they are fading, I feel lonely without,

I need to do it again when they are gone, no doubt.

I grab the razor, feel the coldness of the blade,

I feel so empty, feel nothing, its time someone paid,

My hands start to tremble, my breathing gets slow,

One quick movement and then I can watch the flow.

Eyes darting downwards, slightly widened in awe,

Focused on the stream of a colour so raw,

Hands shaking strongly, have suddenly gone still,

Momentarily calmness comes from satisfying this will.