HARD TO ADMIT | Haobin

chapter 1: prologue

edited on Aug 22, 2023

Zhang Hao was normal, He didn't live an unusual life like other/s (fictional characters).  he was a kind guy, he was also popular for his generous acts and services.

He was friends with alot of juniors and seniors, but he was the closest with Ricky and yujin.

they say has never felt such negative emotion, he was so bright, he was a ray of sunshine, little did they know..

" it was Zhang hao's sophomore year in high school. Everything in his life was going down hill until he met his bestfriend, Sung hanbin he was his missing half.

The second they set eyes on each other they felt a unfamiliar feeling, a good one.

Hanbin was the one who pulled him back up when he was feeling down. They were like brothers they loved each other like one. But that love changed.

When Zhang Hao started loving him more than just a brother, everything that happened was just unexpected it was surprising.

He noticed that hanbin was.. distancing himself, he was avoiding him. It felt horrible especially when you  aren't aware of those feelings you're experiencing.

Whenever he approached him he would leave not letting him to breathe next to him, Not even to talk. There would be days where he would just cry silently in the bathroom.

He thought 'maybe something was wrong with him or maybe he did something wrong? But no. The answer to his question was far away.
The answer to his questions was set on this specific day.

The answer to all his questions was waiting for him patiently. In order to get a hold of those answers he needed to experience hell.

And hell did he experience. ( pls tell me that makes sense, bcs it doesn't make sense to me)

He decided to finally confront him, he was gonna confront hanbin no matter what. But that might have been the biggest mistake. Well yes that mistake will get him closer to the goal.

But will he even want those answers in the future? Will he even remember who hanbin was? What if he completely erased him from his life and doesn't want anything to do with him?

He won't know unless he does something about it.

And

He did do smth ab it

It was their last day till summer break, Until they're seniors. They  had a party. And guess who decided to be real dramatic and confront hanbin today? Zhang Hao.

After 12 minutes of looking for hanbin Zhang Hao found him, and
  walked up to hanbin making sure he won't let him walked away.

'oh hao hyung, I'm sorry hyung I have to go somewhere.' the younger said with his head down

'' hanbin, let's talk' Hao said while holding the others hands firmly.  the younger looked up and saw that the others eyes were swollen and his face was all red

"hyung are you okay? What happened" he pulled his hands out of the grip and cupped the holders face in concern. Once the younger realized he dropped the act he was showing he removed his hands

"uhm, I'll get going since I'm busy" the other said bowing

"are you sure your busy?" the older questioned. With a few second of silence he didn't care he just dragged them to their schools green house.

" I know forcing someone to do something they don't want to do is wrong but why? Why are you avoiding me?'' the older paused to look at the other.

'' I mean it's not like I did something wrong, I've never done anything to you. So why why are you-" he was cutt of by the younger.

'' you see that's why, hyung you've never done anything for me. I've done so much for you, It's getting heavy.

Every time I help you, nothing come back in return. I don't care if I'm not supposed to expect anything in return.'' the younger pauses holding back the pool of tears he's been hiding.

"you never told me anything about this, so why am I the one  at blame?' the older speaks up.

'' I don't have to tell you. Why cant you just ask,ʼʼhanbin are you alright?,,''  the other says with a tear sliding down his face.

'' not everything is about you, okay? I'm sorry, because I know that everything in your life isn't going right but you need to consider others that are in your life, hyung.'' hanbin says

''yes, I know that I'm being selfish. But don't you think it's unfair?' ' the older speaks up

'' What?''

"I mean, it isn't right to just say that infront of someone whose tried so hard for you to not make a mistake. And ruin everything you've built"

"you know it's hard to believe you hyung, you know you keep getting my hopes up every time you joke around that you love me." hanbin wipes his tears.

"I wasn't joking when I said that" Zhang hao pauses . "I really, really like you." the elder says quietly enough for hanbin to hear.

After who knows how long? The younger scoffs and reply. "wow I must be really gullible to believe that."

He turns his back and walks away. Hao takes his chances and speaks up.

"what was I to you? Do you think Im pathetic for liking you? Tell me."

"what were you to me?" the younger pauses and turns to face Zhang Hao. "good question, I'm happy you asked. Because you were nothing." he continues.

"so what I was just a bystander in your world?" Zhang Hao says flustered.

The younger didn't answer him and just walked away. When Zhang Hao saw that the other disappeared from his sight he burst into tears.

He didn't know what just happened. he hoped it wasnt real and that he would wake up from the nightmare.

But he didn't. It was a reality and he had to face that. If something goes well, it will most likely go down hill.

The fact that he had to accept that no one be there for him. Made him cry harder. '

With no one to help him he decided that he will pull himself up, And never give up.

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a/n: I really enjoyed this chapter like I was feeling my self. I hope who ever reads this feel the same. It's my first time writing so please forgive me if there's any misspellings or grammar errors thank you ❤️

edit: no I did not feel my self this is so cringe I regret this please PLEASE NO
I gonna faking cry.