Maid To The Mafia:Totally Captivated

CHAPTER XV

AFTERMATH

Giovanni kissed me. All through that night, I repeated the mantra. Giovanni kissed me. Despite it was in the heat of anger, he still kissed me. I traced my lips, lingering on that small spot where his lips touched mine. I tried to fall asleep, but when I did drift off, my mind kept conjuring up all sorts of scenarios, all of which involved me and that mafia boss in some sort of compromising positon.

At three o’clock, my eyes opened. It was my biological clock. That was the usual time Giovanni would kick at my door to announce he wanted his coffee to quench his midnight thirst. And so I got up, made a black decaf, and slipped into his office. Something inside me still prayed he wouldn’t be in. Of course, God didn’t hear my prayer. Giovanni was seated in his chair, tracing his lips, too. And suddenly, the kissing scene from last night slammed into my mind again. My hands shook. The coffee cup rattled in its saucer.

“Who is it?”
he shouted, face turned in my direction. I stepped back into the dark, obscuring his view. Oh God, I didn’t want to face him. Well, not yet anyway. Stupid, Jenny. Why the heck did you make this coffee for him? I couldn’t understand why I behaved like this. Did I want to appeal to him, please him in some way just so he could reduce Pa’s debt? Very unlikely. I could be selfish and run away. Leave everything behind and scram. Pa could deal with it. Giovanni could find Pa and they could negotiate with each other. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Not just because of Pa, but because there was something else there, too. I just couldn’t find the reason yet.

“Boss, it’s me,” I said hoarsely, stepping into the light, the cup of coffee in my hand.

“I made you black decaf.” I quickly walked to his desk, placed the coffee on the hard surface, and was about to dash out of the room again when a hand lingered on my arm. A zap shot up my spine. My heart skipped a beat. The room seemed to constrict somehow. I fought for breath, clutching the ledge of the table for support until my knuckles turned white. I knew if I didn’t hold on, my legs would buckle.

“Jay!” That deep baritone rumbled into my ear. And that was the tipping point. My legs buckled. Giovanni caught me, bracing me against his steel-hard chest. I leaned in subconsciously, molding myself even more into him, until his chest was flush against my back. His head somehow found its way into the space between my shoulder and neck.

“Jay,” he whispered again. The heat of his breath seared my skin as his nose continued to brush the nape of my neck. I shivered again and closed my eyes, sucking in a deep breath. Why was it so hard to breathe, so suddenly? What was wrong with me? What did Giovanni do to me?

“Boss.” I panted, losing control of my voice. I gritted my teeth. My body was trembling so badly I was starting to worry.

“Boss,” I uttered again. Giovanni turned me around and tilted my face up. Our gazes locked. His was misty, filled with something I couldn’t identify. Mine was also misty but filled with unshed tears. My belly squirmed when his fingers caressed my lips. His face grew closer. His eyes were so black, like the night sky. I was lost in them. It only happened in a split second, but to me, time had stopped. I was suspended in space,aimlessly floating in a sealed vacuum. Giovanni sealed our lips, kissing me with anger and passion all rolled into one. His teeth clicked with mine, his tongue hungrily fighting to get into my mouth, to gain control of my senses. And my senses were lost. No longer could I control my limbs. I was at his mercy. But Giovanni didn’t show any mercy. He pressed on, kissing me with all his strength, as if each and every kiss were his last one. He tore at my lips, swallowing all my cries. I whimpered and grasped on to him, my fingers digging into his shirt, wanting more of what he gave, wishing he could kiss me just that little bit longer, for this was the very first time I had experienced this kind of sensation. Our kiss from last night was tempered with anger. This kiss was fueled with passion. Or, that was what I’d thought. Until he angled his mouth, increasing the pressure. The pace was fast. I struggled in his arms. He didn’t let me go. And then I knew. This wasn’t a passionate kiss. This was anger in the form of a punishment packaged as a kiss. So, he was still mad with me from last night. He was only punishing me for not knowing my place. I was his maid after all. Even if not by choice, I was still his maid. I shouldn’t have dressed in such a provocative manner so as to tempt men. I should just be myself. Plain Jenny. Had I forgotten the first sentence Giovanni uttered when he first saw me? “You’re ugly.” Those were his first words used to describe me. So, how many times must people remind me I was ugly before the information sank into my brain? Pa. Everyone in class. Countless people my age at the University. But I’d fought hard. I thought if I couldn’t be beautiful, then at least I should be smart and kindhearted. I already knew I was stupid and clumsy, so I studied hard to get into college. I knew, too, that I talked too much whenever I got nervous. But this was an innate trait I found hard to change. Even then, no matter what I did in the past to try to redeem these qualities—be it to clean the house, clean the bathroom, do all the laundry, be a good daughter to Pa or a good sister to Amelia—at the end of the day, I was still clumsy, plain Jenny. I’d never minded before that I was inferior to Amelia. Even when she went to the school formal and Pa said she was beautiful or even when her countless boyfriends kissed her on the lips, I fought that purging feeling in my stomach, that feeling of envy that wanted to explode to the surface because no one had ever wanted me to be their girlfriend or wanted to kiss me. Until Giovanni. I tried to remain positive and told myself it was fine to not be beautiful. There were more important things in life. There were people starving in the world, people who fought to stay alive because of cancer and other medical conditions. But sometimes it hurt. It hurt so much when the people you truly wanted to please didn’t see you or acknowledge your existence. Like Giovanni. The thought struck me hard. Why did I care so much what he thought of me? I was lucky he’d found use in me as his maid. He could have killed me and been done with it. So why did I have to care whether I couldn’t dress in beautiful womanly clothes? And why did I have to cry right now while clinging to him for support? It was because, for once in my life, I felt I was worth something. Pa loved me, I knew that, but he’d never needed me like the guys here. His favorite daughter was Amelia. I was the extra daughter he didn’t need. I should have died in that accident that killed Ma. But I hadn’t. Even when I was in the hospital after that accident, losing my memory, I still fought on, wanting to feel I belonged somewhere. But Heath, Jonny, Keith, and especially Bobby, they all made me feel I was part of a family. They made me feel I was one of them. We ate together. We had fun together, going to different places to collect money. So, maybe I was being selfish now for not wanting anything to change. I pleaded with Giovanni, apologizing to him, so I could stay here. Yes. I wanted to stay. In the beginning, I hated Giovanni. I hated this mafia boss for always calling me in the middle of the night to make him coffee. I hated him for always calling me “chessboard” or always reminding me I was his coffee machine. And I hated Pa for using me as collateral for his debt. Yes, I hated I was stuck in this position. But that had all changed now.