chapter one: Daylight

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You and I drink the poison from the same vine
- Daylight Daivd Kushner


Charles Leclerc

The 2023 season has just started and I'm already losing hope of a podium. It must be said that when I don't have a car problem or a penalty I make silly mistakes which lead to my exit from the race. At this stage, finishing a race without technical problems is already a victory. Admittedly Ferrari doesn't really help me but that was without taking into account the dazzling progress of Aston Martin and the complete domination of RedBull.

There was a time when I really competed with Max Verstappen, the first driver of RedBull but today I can't pretend to make the weight and it drives me crazy. The frustration that I have been storing up since the beginning is starting to rise in my brain and I have recently been harboring a sickly jealousy and a dull anger towards Max Verstappen.

Also this year, I no longer have the support of my ex-girlfriend who was really a pillar for me in previous seasons. Our relationship ended on good terms but I can't ask her to be there for me like when we were a couple.
My two brothers are more occupied with the career of the last of the family than with mine and mum doesn't know much about motorsport. Pierre Gasly, in addition to being a childhood friend, is a competitor of the Alpine team on the grid, so it's not really possible for me to confide in him on matters relating to F1.

I feel alone facing my heartbreaking defeats and the disappointment of the team and the fans GP after GP. And my anger and my problems fall on that damn Max Verstappen. It's his fault. After all if he didn't have that car I'd probably be on the podium sprinkling the crowd with champagne, right?

And then there's something that annoys me more, no, that pisses me off.

Max ignores me.

We've known each other since our young years in karting, we've almost always had a relationship of respectful rivals, but since I fell in the rankings he no longer pays me the slightest attention. The only times I meet his gaze he only returns me an empty coldness before turning away. It has the stuff of driving me crazy. I am however rather of calm nature, it is in my temperament.

But it seems that in the presence of the world champion I lose control of my emotions.

Azerbaïdjan 2023

I don't really like the concept of sprint. Especially on an urban circuit, that presents a lot of risks for cars and drivers, competing before the real race can be counterproductive for the teams. But I'm in pole position for the sprint and for Sunday's race. I still can't believe it. It feel good. The joy in my chest feel great. I had really missed it. I know that the RedBull's and Aston Martin's cars are better than Ferrari this year, but I'd do anything to get on the podium. After the horrible start of the season I've had, I'm not allowed to make mistakes. I have to make Papa proud.

I sat in a secluded corner of the paddock to concentrate before the race. I close my eyes to visualize the circuit and corners where I have already crashed. I take one last breath and get up.

I see Redbull's engineers talking. Max came to talk to me earlier to congratulate me on my performance in qualifying. He didn't show any particular expression on his face and quickly left. I thanked him but I don't know why, I felt like it wasn't as natural as usual. Last year Max often came to talk to me about the race before or after the race, even when he got too angry after the other drivers he stayed friendly with me. This year, even though he showed me no sign of anger, I still feel that he is moving away from me. At the same time, I suppose he must be busy and has better things to do than talk to me.

I shake my head to get these thoughts out of my mind and head for my car.

***

I finished third. I'm finally on the podium. Happiness is present but a little tarnished by the absolute domination of Redbull. Checo won the race handsomely. Max is in second place but he doesn't seem as happy as he should be. I watch Checo throw himself into the arms of his engineers before seeing Max's father in the crowd who does not move an inch and who seems far from delighted. I slowly approach Max who is a little further in front of me standing alone and watching everybody celebrating, he jumps slightly as I pass behind him before relaxing by recognizing me.

"Are you okay? I ask him smiling for the cameras but with a serious look. He nods quickely.

- Don't worry, congratulations on your race!"

His smile is as fake as mine. He walks away from me and goes off to get ready for the podium.

***

Starting this story with a small chapter, the next one is coming soon don't worry. English isn't my first langage!

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