Protection

Chapter 4.

Over the next few weeks, I met up with Rob on several occassions. He was so funny he always cheered me up. I suppose what also attracted me to him was that he cared. He cared about me and he asked about me and it made me feel happy and wanted.

He talked about his university course, and his plans to become a journalist. I talked about my writing and how I wanted to be a novelist.

He talked about how it was funny we both wanted to write but in such different ways. I agreed and spilled that writing was kind of like an emotional outlet.

He kissed me. He told me I was beautiful and perfect and I didn't deserve what had happened to me.

Then one day he convinced me to go back to school.

27.7.08

Today was my first day back at school. It was awful, humiliating and terrifying.

I didn't have Rob to watch my back, so I could hear the whispers behind me.

Su Lin spoke to me. When she talked tears welled up in her eyes. I couldn't identify if it was real emotion or just an attention seeking act. It didn't feel real but I brushed that off- she's my best friend after all she must be upset.

The worst thing was the teachers. They wouldn't touch me. They treated me like an injured animal, too unstable to safely approach. If they did talk to me it was in patronizing tones like I was a small child.

I got sent to the school counsellor. She tried to get me to talk about the rape. I refused and walked out.

At lunch break I sat on my own. In the toilets.

After lunch break I got sent home because they said I was too unstable to deal with it.

Rob phoned at around 5 to ask how it went. I lied and said it went really well. I don't know why I lied but I suppose I didn't want to upset him.

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That day was really hard. It was so horrible and humiliating. I was treated like an outsider by most of my 'friends'. It's something I doubt I'll ever forget.