The violinist and the conductor

22. White violin music

Tobirama never forgot his promise to Izuna. That he would never leave him behind, that he would always protect him, that he would always keep him in eyesight.

He had meant those promises. But he had never imagined that he would be rendered unable to fulfil those promises. How could he keep Izuna anywhere but behind him when he had been kidnapped? How could he keep Izuna in eyesight if he had been taken away from him? Izuna had, in fact, been taken away from him when he was in his eyesight, and definitely not behind him, so that hadn't helped.

Still, Tobirama felt terrible for not being able to keep his promise. He couldn't imagine living with this for the rest of his life, with this guilt, with this uncertainty. In fact, he couldn't imagine living with this for even one more day.

Wouldn't it be better to just die?

2 years earlier 

When I woke up, Izuna was already awake. He was looking at me eagerly with an excited expression on his face.

"Aren't you hungover?" I asked, voice still groggy from sleep.

"Nope!" Izuna said happily, fresh as a fucking daisy. "You know..." He suddenly looked shy. "I think now is the time for... You know." 

I raised an eyebrow. 

"For what?"

"Playing the violin for you."

I frowned. Then, it struck me what he meant. I sat up bolt-straight. 

"Oh..." I said.

He took his white violin out of its case and put it beneath his chin. Even naked, he looked so natural holding that violin that I felt a tug of jealousy directed at the instrument.

"Izuna, how much did that violin cost?" I murmured.

He numbered a figure several millions higher than the one he had when we first met.

"And who bought it for you?" I asked, remembering that his first was given to him by a rich fan.

But Izuna winked at me.

"I bought it myself." I felt a pang then. Izuna was trying to dominate me, and succeeding. But it made me feel... A little sad, I think. Worthless. "Now, shut up."

And naked still, he started playing that piece that had made him famous to begin with, the melody thought to be lost since nobody alive could play it before Izuna.

I looked at him with one eyebrow raised. What he played was so incredibly complicated, my brain could hardly comprehend it.

And that feeling of sadness washes over me once more. He was so competent, so good with his violin but also so likeable, with friends all over the world. What the fuck did I have to offer him?

"Tobirama..."

I snapped out of it; my dark thoughts had lasted for several minutes, intermingled with his white violin music in my brains like two threads being knitted together, but they didn't fit.

"Why don't you come? I thought you would come to me and hold me. After I had finished playing."

Before I had time to think, as if the violin lured me to move like a flute did for a snake, I went to him, my naked body exposed from beneath my duvet, and hugged him. He was still holding his violin and his bow when he hugged me back, and they rested leisurely on my skin.

"I love you", he said. "I love you so much."

And all the doubt washed away from me, made me feel safe in this man's arms, made me feel okay with the fact that sometimes, he was over me, and sometimes beneath, and it was fine because we were with one another.

"I will never let you go", I said.

Turned out, I would have to.