The Unfortunate Ride

Chapter 8

27/07/2017. BAU Offices, Quantico, Virginia. 08:48 hours.

Emily gave a sigh as she made her way through the quiet bullpen to her office, her clicking heels echoing around the room. She had barely slept thanks to a well of anxiety in the pit of her stomach. She battled against her black leather handbag, her takeout cup of coffee and her office door. Once the door swung open, she noted the blonde haired figure seated in one of the plush armchairs. Emily frowned and stepped into the room. She dropped her handbag down on the carpeted floor under her desk and dropped heavily into her swivel chair. Her dark eyes took note of JJ sat in front of her. JJ's eyes were red and puffy.

"JJ? What's going on?" Emily folded her hands on top of the pile of manila folders on her desk.

"It's Spence. Derek went to see him yesterday. He needs to talk to us all." Emily's face darkened.

"Where is he?"

"Conference room." Emily glanced out of her window to see the other members of the team filing in. She darted to her door and threw it open.

"Round table! NOW!" she bellowed.

The BAU looked particularly nervous as they entered the conference room and seated themselves at the table. Derek was pacing back and forth at the front of the room, the fingers of his left hand tucked into his jeans pocket, and the other hand rubbing the top of his bald head in frustration. At the sound of chairs being dragged, Derek turned around. David stepped up to him and grasped his hand firmly, planting a kiss on each cheek.

"You don't write, you don't call..." greeted David with a smile.

"Rossi. Good to see you man." David took a seat next to Tara. An empty chair was near the window, reminding them all of Spencer's absence. Penelope was the last to enter, trotting over to Derek and throwing her arms around him.

"Oh, my God! My chocolate Adonis! It's really you!"

"Hey, Baby Girl." Penelope glanced around at the anxious faces and sat down next to Emily. Derek turned fully so that he faced everyone, "Thanks all of you for coming so early. So, I went to see Reid yesterday. I know a lot of you remember how Reid has been before after Hankel, Maeve and Gideon. This though..." Derek ran a hand over his scalp again, "It's bad. I've never seen him like this before. He near enough bit my head off and nearly broke my wrist. He told me about everything that happened in prison and afterwards. He said he was a monster and that he should have died in that train crash. When the doctor told him he would have a heart attack if he didn't calm down, he... He wanted the doctor to let him have a heart attack and die. They had to sedate him and they strapped him down. I don't think I have it in me to go back just yet. He needs an authority figure to pull him back around." Penelope dabbed tears away from her eyes. Emily and David looked at each other in mutual understanding. Matt and Tara were lost for words. Luke wrapped a comforting arm around JJ's shoulders.

"Perhaps I should see the kid first," suggested David, "A father figure might be good for him. I'll admit I haven't seen him much." Emily nodded in agreement. She too felt guilty as she had not spent as much time with Spencer as she would have liked.

27/07/2017. St Andrew's Hospital, Virginia. 09:30 hours.

Spencer could not recall feeling as low in mood in his entire life. He had experienced depression before as a result of grief, but it never felt as suffocating as it did in that period of time. The logical part of his brain reminded him that he was not at fault for the deaths of those people on the train, yet he could not comprehend how he survived. After all, he had been incarcerated and was hardly a model prisoner. He had snapped and wrapped his hands around Cat Adams' throat, knowing that she was pregnant. How could a man so despicable be saved, when innocent others were not? Spencer just wanted to die. He was unable to care about anyone or anything. His throat felt clogged with emotion. Spencer stared up at the ceiling, tears gathering on his lower lashes. He gasped, unable to control his emotions any longer. Tears streaked his face as his breath hitched in his throat. His chest quickly rose and fell in quick short breaths. He wanted desperately to hide his face from the world but his wrists were encased in foam cuffs strapped to the bed. The cuff on his left wrist stretched over his arm.  His ankles had also been strapped down. Spencer tilted his head back into his pillow, thrusting his jaw upwards, and he howled in sorrow and grief.

Spencer's breathing had only just begun to slow when he heard the soft sound of loafers against the linoleum floor. He lifted his head and stared at the visitor with bloodshot eyes. His mouth bobbed, unsure of whether to cry again or scream at the person to leave him to his misery. David stood at the end of the bed, hands in his jeans pockets. The bottom of his black blazer rested against his wrists. He simply stood, observing the man in the bed with an expression of concern written into his ageing features.

"Rossi? What are you doing here?" hiccupped Spencer.

"Here to see you, Spencer."

"I've been here over a week and you haven't visited once. Why now? Did Derek send you?" David sighed.

"No, he didn't. But he did tell me what happened yesterday." Spencer gave a sarcastic laugh.

"I'm sure he did. Look. Either tell me what you really want or go away."

"And leave you to wallow in self pity? Not a chance, Spencer." David slowly sat himself down in the chair beside the bed. Spencer turned his head and glared at him, "Now listen to me, kid. I know you're not thinking straight right now, but even you know that there was nothing you could have done to change the outcome of that crash." Spencer's face crumpled, tears streaming again.

"But why did a monster like me survive, Dave?"

"What makes you think you're a monster, Spencer? The poisoning of the drugs? Stabbing yourself? That's called surviving. You did what you had to do to survive until we could exonerate you. Your incarceration was false. You know that it was."

"I strangled a pregnant woman."

"No, you had a PTSS reaction to a psychopath who had kidnapped your mother whilst you were still in prison. That doesn't make you a monster, Spencer. It makes you human. Even a great genius like yourself has human reactions." Spencer's breathing quickened.

"Those people on the train were innocent..."

"So are you! How do you know for sure those people were innocent? Everyone has a dark secret of some sort." Spencer panted for breath. His ribs flared with pain.

"I'm a... I'm a..." Spencer struggled to find his words as he hyperventilated, his eyes wide with horror. David moved over to the bed and perched on the side. He gently pushed Spencer back into the pillow.

"Spencer. Look at me. Eyes on me." Spencer's wide eyes locked on David, tears spilling over his cheeks and getting lost under the oxygen cannula, "Slow your breathing, Reid. You're safe." Spencer's eyes darted towards the door where Dr Harper had appeared, "Ignore them. Focus on me, Spencer. You did nothing wrong. You are innocent. The accident wasn't your fault. Breathe with me." Spencer watched and breathed in time with David. He could feel the anxiety slowly drifting away. His entire being felt exhausted and his eyes began to close.

"Sleep, Spencer. I'll be right here." David gave Dr Harper a small nod as he seated himself back in the chair. Dr Harper quietly left the room. David turned to the stack of books and slid one from the pile. He crossed his legs and began to read. He quickly glanced up at the sleeping man in the bed. He had never seen Spencer so fragile.