moving on

3: LENA

Lena thinks she must be the most self-depreciating, self-pitying, pathetic women she's ever met. She doesn't think she could possibly sink any lower then she is right now.  Eric staggers beside her, practically blackout drunk.

She props him up, taking a deep breathe to compose herself, "I know it isn't our fault, but it feels like it," He mumbles. He's been mumbling bullshit like this afternoon, and she doesn't know whether he's saying it for her or whether he's saying it to convince himself.

She wants to say "It is our fault. She's dead because of you. I don't want to fucking be here, but if you die too, I don't think I'll be able to handle it on my conscience" Instead, she doesn't say any of it. She bottles it in, feeling her emotions swirling inside of her, slowly eating her up.

"You didn't know it would lead to this" What she wonders if how they didn't know it would lead to this. Alexis had warned them, plain and simple. She'd warned them a million times over, and they'd practically ignored her. She'd told them she had nothing left to live for. How fucking ironic. They'd never taken her seriously.

She knows it isn't her fault, but she should have been there for her. She knows she tried to stand her ground, tried to get her to stop, tried to stop all of it, but she didn't try hard enough. A good friend would have tried harder. A good friend would have stayed by her side, despite it all.

She wishes she had, every single day.

She wishes she fucking had.

Eric stumbles, and Lena almost goes tumbling with him. She lets go of him for a second, readjusting her posture, "Do you think you can stand straight?" He mumbles something, and she assumes that's a no.

Taking a deep breathe, she turns her phone on. She clicks the button to call Dave, even if it is the last thing she wants to do.

Eric stares her right in the eye, leaning into her, "I'm sorry, Lena," Eric mutters.

She can't believe the words she's hearing, and she really does not want to hear them. "Shush," She mutters in response, and his eyes widen. He smiles, still loopy, clearly lost in his thoughts about Alexis. She pushes him away, creating a gap between them.

She can't be that close to him. Not after everything. After a few rings, Dave picks up.

"It's 3 in the morning, Lena" His voice comes over, clearly groggy.

She feels horrible for asking this, but she can't do it herself, "I need your help, Dave"

She can feel him shuffling around, clearly becoming more alert at the words. "What do you need my help with?" He says, his voice softening. She sighs, knowing that these words are not going to be received with any sort of enthusiasm.

"Eric is blackout drunk"

A pause, and then his voice returns, irritated, "That isn't your problem, Lena. You need to leave him alone and go home. You shouldn't be doing this" She knows he's right, but she can't leave Eric alone. She can't. She refuses to. She scans the road, seeing if she has any other options. They are in a shitty neighborhood, she would take an Uber, but she doesn't want to pay the cleanup fee when he throws up, and she knows Ubers rarely come here.

"I wouldn't ask if I had any other options"

"Lena, this is the third time this week you've bailed on our plans to help Eric, Calliope, Parker, Blair.. You can't keep doing this" He sounds hurt, and she feels herself wince at his words.

 Lena rubs a hand across her face. Eric, surprisingly, is silent. She doesn't know what possessed him to shut up, but when she looks at him, she realizes he's throwing up in the bushes by them. "I know," She softly responds, "But I need you here, now. Can I count on you?" She's being unfair, but she actually does not have any other options. She knows this is shitty, but she says the words anyways. "Please, Dave"