Something Peculiar

8

There were several times throughout the long car ride that Taehyung seemed to became aware that he was doing something he would never do. He would start ranting about how terrible Mom was and that he couldn't believe he'd let me talk him into this. Somehow, it never occurred to him to turn around, but maybe it couldn't occur to him.

"She's a horrible person!" Tae snarled as we approached the state hospital. I could see the internal battle waged underneath his grimace and his tortured blue eyes. His hand was locked tightly on the steering wheel, but it looked like he was trying to pull it away and he couldn't.

Guilt flushed over me again, but I tried to push it away. I didn't want to hurt him, and controlling him like this was reprehensible. Before when I'd done it, it had been accidental, but I had done this knowing exactly what's was doing and how it would make him feel. The only real comfort I had was that I wasn't doing anything wrong. I wanted to see my mom, and I had every right to. Tae was just being overzealous about his protective duties, once again.

"She can't do anything to hurt me," I reminded him for the hundredth time. "She's locked up and medicated. I'll be fine."

"It's not like she's going to strangle you or anything," Taehyung allowed, but there was an edge to his voice where he hadn't completely ruled out that possibility.

"She's just... a bad person. I don't know what you hope to gain from seeing her!"

"I just need to," I said softly and looked out at the window.

I had never been to the hospital, but it wasn't exactly as I imagined. My entire basis for it was Arkham Asylum, so I had always pictured an imposing brick structure with lightning always flashing just behind it. It was raining lightly and the skies were overcast as we pulled up, but that was the only thing similar to the psychiatric hospital of my fantasies. Nestled in thick pine forest and rolling grassy hills, it was a sprawling white building. It looked more like a resort than a hospital.

After Mom had tried to kill me and Tae had tackled her in the kitchen, Jessica had called 911. Mom was hauled off in a police car, still dreaming things about me being monstrous, and I was taken away in an ambulance. charges were brought against my mother, but she pleaded guilty by the reason of insanity, and the the case never went to trial. They had originally given her a cross-diagnosis of latent postpartum depression and temporary psychosis brought on by the death of my father.

With the medication and therapy, there had been the general expectation that she would be out in relatively short amount of time.

Cut to eleven years later when my brother is talking to the security guard so we can get clearance to get in side the hospital. From what I understood, she refused to admit any remorse for what she'd done.

Taehyung went to visit her once, five years ago, and what I got out of it was that she didn't know she'd done anything wrong. It was inferred, though never actually spelled out, that if she got out, she'd do it again. 

There was a great deal of bustling about once we finally got inside. A nurse had to call a psychiatrist to see if I would even be able to see her. Tae paced anxiously around me, muttering things about everyone being insane.

We waited in a small room filled with plastic chairs and magazines for forty-five minutes until the doctor came to meet with me. We had a brief conversation in which I told him that I only wished to speak with her, and even without persuasion he seemed to think it might be beneficial for me to have some closure.

Taehyung wanted to go back with me to see her, afraid that she would damage me in some way, but the doctor assured him that orderlies would be present and my mother hadn't had a violent outburst in eleven years. Tae eventually relented, much to my relief, because I had just been about to use persuasion on him again.