Hase - Before Ever After

Chapter 18 - After (Hawk's pov)

Neverland was a mystery. Nobody ever got to it without Peter or the lost boys, and there was no explanation to it. Well, at least not until now.

Alice was a dear to let them use the portal, despite being worried about what they might find on the other side of it. When she warned them about the risk of crossing the portal, Hawk wasn't really scared about it, after all he had fought trolls, witches and monsters before, it would be just a regular day.

But what he didn't get was that courage doesn't really mean the absence of fear. Despite all the courage he had, Hawk was now more scared than he had ever been in his lifetime. And the fear didn't come from monsters or pirates, they came from himself.

His fight with Rose made his anxiety burst at high levels. He was feeling insecure, and most of all, he was scared. Scared of losing her, scared that she might choose Peter over him, scared of never being able to have her as anything more than a friend.

Regardless of his pride, all he wanted to do was get back to her and work things out, but for some reason, his mind told him that leaving was the right thing to do. Being angry and jealous the way he was would've only made things worse, and it was bad enough already.

Suddenly, he heard a distant call that made his anxiety grow even wider.

Did she really come after me? It was his immediate thought when he heard his name be called.

But when he looked back, searching for the girl his eyes desired the most to see, he only saw Astoria and Joy. His expectations were frustrated, Rose didn't come after him and it felt like a wave of disappointment drowned him.

"I know you were expecting someone else, but you don't have to look so sad to see me, you know?". Astoria complained.

"I'm sorry..." He apologized and continued. "What are you doing here?" Hawk asked.

"We came to help you find a way to save the school, of course". Astoria said with an obvious tone.

Hawk slightly blushed at his friend's response, ashamed that he had used such a serious thing as an excuse to cover his jealousy. It was such a quick excuse that he didn't even recall saying it.

"Yeah, sure, let's get to it". He said with his head down, trying to cover his flushed face.

Okay, so... Where's the exit?". Joy finally said something.

The three of them looked at each other, realizing they found a way to get in, but they didn't have a way to get out.

"Well, arguing with Rose over a lost cause was fun, let's get back and help saving that stupid elf at once so I can go home and torture myself with destructive thoughts of how I broke us apart for absolutely NOTHING". Hawk said with a desperate sarcasm, eyes widened as anxiety consumed him once again.

"Hawk, calm down. It's gonna be okay, you just have to talk to her". Joy said.

"And what am I supposed to tell her? That I'm so freaking jealous of that guy that I was willing to let him rot wherever he is being held captive? That's not really something you go telling people, especially not people you care about". Hawk responded letting the guilt take place as he realized how stupidly selfish he was.

"So you weren't worried about wasting time to save the school? Oh my gosh, Hawk, what has gotten into you?" Astoria said, surprised by her friend's lack of common sense.

"Yeah, I know it was wrong, and I also know I have to apologize to her..." He sighed and looked at Astoria with shame in his eyes.

"I just hope I don't lose her for putting up such a show". He continued.

Seeing his hopeless eyes, Astoria felt sad for Hawk, regardless of how messed up his excuse was. She knew he loved Rose and that it was reciprocated, but she also knew how much Rose cared for others, and letting someone in danger for selfish reasons was something she would definitely repudiate.

"Look, what you did was wrong, and I can't tell you she will forgive you right away, but I'm sure you two will work things out". Astoria tried to find the words to comfort her friend.

"Thank you, Astoria. Now, let's go back to the others". Hawk said, but still had an intriguing thought running through his mind.

What if I just let her slip out of my hands?