Hauиt Me (C!Tommy : Rewrite)

1. Drown myself till I want to live

I sat in the dirty liquid that filled my bath tub, half of that liquid came from me, blood and dirt, while the other half was the cold water and dust that the room produced from its lack of cleaning

Scratching at my legs, destroying the protective layer my own cells produced so I don't get an infection

I watched as pieces that came from me and my doing float around in the musty water, it's disgusting to me yet it made me feel more alive by feeling pain, and feeling some sort of emotion even if I don't really love it.

I ruined my own clothes by sitting in this water, baggy trousers rolled up so its easy for me to access without the hassle

Stopping for a moment to look at my own shitty reflection in the water

I put my head up and dragged my body down to feel the liquid cover the face I saw.

I could taste the blood seeing through my mouth,

I could see nothing

Reminds me of death, I hated it then

The smell of alcohol and other drugs mixing together was thick

The constant bikkering against Wilbur and Schlatt over the stupidest of shit with them constantly reminding all 4 of us about the past

Mexican Dream blasting music at times for a couple of seconds before he'd get yelled at by the other two

He'd try and comfort me, I was selfish tho, I kept sobbing and crying about how I missed being able to see.

Sight was apparently a 'sensitive' topic to them, they could see, I knew it from sounds of card games and plastic being fiddled with, plus the dead giveaway that it was a game was the fact they'd always yell about it

I couldn't see tho so I couldn't play

I could feel the swaying tho, I was definetly on a train by the horn and the sounds of it sliding endlessly through the limbo

I should stop thinking about the past.

I poked my head out the water letting air finally flow into my body

Then, got up from the dirty bath and dried myself off. Not giving a toss in the world about how shitty my appearance is. Yea Im a dumb human being to cry about my looks but not do a single thing about it but.. I have no reasoning behind it.