Revisiting Her

-Hostility-

FIVE YEARS LATER

"Stay calm and don't make a sound" I whispered to Daphne crouching behind a rock.

"A little higher from its front leg..." mumbled Daphne, also whispering.

"It must not suffer for long..."I continued. Daphne took aim with a silent deep breath.

"Its life is a gift.." she replied calmly, barely moving her lips. The doe eating at a close distance stopped and raised its head slowly.

The arrow whistled through the air and hit the doe right behind its front foot. It went deep under the skin and the dow attempted to run but fell unable to flee.

We ran towards it. Daphne kneeled in front of her, placing her left hand on the deer's neck to hold her still. I helped her from the other side, as she pulled the kitchen knife from her belt and aimed for the final strike.

"Comfort her..."

"I don't know if I can do this"

"She is suffering. You are the one who wanted to eat meat. You have to be able to do it for yourself." She looked at the doe's eyes.

"The pain will go away now...I am sorry." She squealed struggling to maintain her calmness but did not hold the tears from running down her face. She then pierced with the knife all the way through the doe's chest, relieving her from the torture.

"Want me to take care of the rest ?" I asked gently.

"Yes please," and she let out a sigh.

I stood up to take her place and gave her a hug. It was not easy for her. But it was important.

"You did a very good job. It was a clean kill ok?"

"I still don't get why I have to go through all this..."

"Cause this world is harsh now kid. One day you may have to do this to me."

"Oh shut up...!"

"No, you shut up and listen. This is how things are. We do not know if this will happen tonight or in 20 years, but it will. Being sorry for taking a life is not going to save yours."

"Don't tell me to shut up..." She is right. Fuck.

"I am sorry. It's just that..."

"It's ok. I get it... I have to be tougher than this. But "shut up", will-not-fuckin'-help!" She made sure to underline her last four words with an equal amount of slaps on my chest. I had to actually take cover, but she was right. I got too emotional.

"I am sorry, I really am. I am just very bad at this."

"Well...you taught me how to hunt. At least."

"Bullshit, you learned that yourself!"

"Still...you have been very helpful," she admitted. "Sometimes I am actually glad we stuck together."

"I am glad too. I care too much about you, that's all. And I constantly feel that I should be tough with you, because.."

"Cause there is no easy way" she looked at the ground as she said that.

"I wish I could think of a better one..." all of a sudden I felt like trash. Maybe I am not good at taking care of kids after all... I remembered Io. Her memory visits me in moments like this one, when I am uncertain, when I feel guilty or when I drown in despair.

"John you gotta talk to me..." she always had her way to open me up. It was easy with her. Even in a moment like this, where I initiate sex with her, but I cannot perform. And it's the third time this week.