I woke up early today to drive Mindy to HER therapy this time, and afterwards, we went and got frozen yogurt.
She's been doing slightly better than she was, but then again, I can only see the surface performance.
We were eating our second round of fro-yo when Mindy said, "Can I talk about Anika?"
I mean, she's hardly said too much about it, If this is her opening up to me then...absolutely.
I replied, "Yes, please, you have barely said anything in a while."
She gave a sad smile and she said, "The time I decide not to trust the love interest, she was innocent...then she died in front of me. I just feel so guilty."
Something like that could really eat away at your thoughts and consume you, I felt terrible for Mindy.
"Mindy in a situation like that it's hard to trust anybody, I don't blame you for keeping your guard up...it helped you survive."
"Yea."
"I trusted my roommate, and went to a party leaving my sister in a house with the k*ller...when I didn't even know who the k*ller was...I was selfish and I think about it a lot."
She looked up at me and scooted closer so we could hug.
"My best friend ended up being the one to come in my house after disarming my security system and trying to k*ll me...I HATE Amber but...it 100% broke my heart to find out it was her...Sam trusted and loved Richie and it was him too."
"God, you're right." She said, sniffling.
"Your guard is the thing that will keep you alive, it is not your fault that Ethan did that to Anika, she loved you and you loved her...don't blame yourself for the actions of a psycho Min."
She nodded in agreement, "I did love her, we were gonna finish college and get a place together, a better place, and maybe get married and travel."
Tears welled up in my eyes...I can't imagine that pain, that knowing the person you love was taken from you and whatever plans you had will never happen... not in this life...anger.
"I'm so sorry Mindy, and I just feel bad because...I didn't lose my love, and I didn't lose my sister, and I want to help you -"
"Your sister is one of my best friends, and your boyfriend is my twin brother, I am SO glad you didn't lose them, Tara. You help me by doing things like this... being here and listening to me, if anything, the sister I never had."
We hugged again, and then an idea came to me.
"The stages of grief include anger." I said, looking down.
"I've tried to suppress that." She mumbled.
"What if you didn't." I said.
"What do you mean?"
I smiled and led her to the car, we drove to the location and climbed up this big hill that had a view of a huge lake. The area was vacant except for me and Mindy... and the creatures of the ecosystem.
"Yell." I said.
"What." She replied.
"You're sad, Mindy, but you're also angry."
She looked at me with a soft expression.
"Let the universe have it, worse than you let Chad have it." I laughed.
She giggled and looked into the distance. Suddenly, she yelled.
"I'M IN PAIN!"
She looked at me, and I nodded in encouragement.
"I HURT EVERYDAY AND IT'S NOT FAIR!" She stopped to take a breath. "I LOST SOMEBODY OVER SOMETHING THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!"
I knew it was in there, that anger. She'd been containing it the whole time.
"I'M SCARED TO LIVE MY LIFE!"
"I WORRY ABOUT MY BROTHER!"
"I WORRY ABOUT THE LIVES OF MY FRIENDS!"
She stopped again, tears welling up.
I walked over and hugged her, and we cried together.
"You were right. This does feel nice." She mumbled into my sweater.
I looked at her and held her face.
"We're gonna get through this. You don't have to move on fast and act like it never happened. It's a process that will take time. You're surrounded by people who love you. If you need ANYTHING, come to me." I pleaded.
"I love you, short best friend, you have the best advice."
"I love you too." I said and then added, "and you all have one more time to joke about my height." I said laughing.
"But you're so little and cute." She said and picked me up before swinging me around.
She put me down, and I chased her all around the area before running out of breath.
"It's those short legs and that asthma." She joked, "get that inhaler."
"Shut up." I said, smiling, and proceeded to use my inhaler.
We walked back to the car and put on our Playlist, singing along to Karma at least 5 times on the way home.
