RELAPSE | choi seungcheol

CHAPTER 1

Fairytales.

I've always wondered, do they really exist?

Because i've been living everyone's worst nightmare. Every second, every minute i thought i was going to die. I could feel i'm slowly losing myself. Everything around me suffocates me.

I've tried everything.
Even praying to god doesn't work anymore.
I felt helpless and i don't know what to do with my life anymore, or
who to turn to.

I guess i'm better off dead

May 17th 2023

I shed a tear after writing on my diary.

It's the only thing that knows every bits of my life as i kept everything to myself.

The only thing that keeps me alive.

My life has been miserable since the first time i came into this world. My mother died after giving birth to me and it made my dad depressed, he would get drunk all day and night while crying over my mom's death while my aunt took care of me. Soon he lost his job and not long after my aunt took me in, my dad got into rehab because of his drinking problems.

When i entered elementary school i began to live with my father again since he's out of rehab and was "better".

It was all a lie.

In fact, he's even worse than before. He became very abusive towards me, it feels like something dark has took his soul. He would dragged me by the hair in every chance he gets, on a worse day he even bang my head to the wall making me almost faint. He would say all these horrible things about me being the reason my mom died.

He made me live with the guilt.

When i did nothing wrong i still get beaten by him. And when i did, it's beyond imagination. He would throw alcohol bottles at me and scratch me with pieces from the bottles then burn my skin with his cigarette. On top of that, he beats me until my body is full of bruises and couldn't even walk, i had to drag myself to my room and took care of all the scars and pain he left.

This has been going on for years, and now i'm in university. I kept silent, my aunt doesn't even know about this she thought my dad had changed for the better, he would be this perfect dad in front of everyone but when it's just the two of us he became something unknown and i can't tell a soul because i'm afraid my dad would've hurt me even worse, not that i think it could get any worse.

The only option i had was trying as best as i could to endure it but when my dad started to do things a father wasn't supposed to do to their daughter.... i've had enough.

He barged into my room, i could see he's too high to even open his eyes, "Dad... what are you doing?" I tremble in fear. I forgot to lock my door...

"Hyejin... My love... Oh how i miss you, all this time i've been suffering with that brat." He mumbled. He thought i was mom...

He walked closer to me and pushed me to my bed and starts touching me. "Dad? Please stop i'm not mom, please come to your senses!" I cried.

Is this really happening? i must've been dreaming, this can't be real.

I screamed and kicked him, trying to get out of his grip but he's too strong. I feel disgusted. As his hands roam around my body and his eyes are now fully opened, i can see lust in his eyes.

But my weak self is just there,
under him
trying to control her cries.

Never once, in a million year have i thought my dad is capable of doing such things, and i couldn't even tell you how much it hurts and how broken i am. This had cause so much damage and pain to me than all the bruises and cuts he gave me.

What he did, will forever wounded me on the inside.

Later that night

I packed my things quietly to avoid my dad from noticing me trying to get the hell out of this hell hole, but the man's probably passed out on the couch. Too drunk to function. 

After what had happened i just can't take it anymore, i have to get out of here right now no matter what. I've prepared what i needed and i saved enough money to live on my own so i should be fine.

Then i heard a loud thud in the hallway, i hid my packed backpack under my bed and act as i've been studying the entire time, then a loud bang filled my room.

"Where is my fucking beers?! Didn't i tell you to buy it 2 days ago? You useless piece of shit" He yelled. His face looked so mad as he threw my things off of my study desk.

"You should stop this. Haven't you had enough? Do you even realize what you did to me just 2 hours ago? Can't you be a normal dad? I'm fucking sick and tired with you treating me like this!" At this point i don't care what he's going to do to me, he can beat me up to death for all i care, i'm getting out of this shit hole today.

"You fucking bitch! you're the reason the love of my life died, you should've been the one who's buried 6 feet under you ungrateful child!" He yelled as he grabbed my hair, much harder than he ever did. I feel like my hair is fall out then he toss me to the floor as he kicked and punched me multiple times.

"You can get through this, you'll survive this" i thought to myself, as i'm trying my best to protect myself.

As i could taste blood in my mouth, i just cried and cried.

Every time he does this, the only thing i could do is cry.

As i'm slowly getting light headed, my vision went black.

"I'ts okay, you're gonna get out here

Soon."