ambivalence | james potter

authors note: IMPORTANT!

IMPORTANT !! PLEASE READ !! PLEASE READ !!

Hello!!

Wow its been ages , I know. I have so many things to say, not sure how to start this but hopefully I will remember to include everything.

First off, I am extremely sorry for disappearing off the face of the earth and abandoning this story! There are a lot of reasons and things I need to clarify so bear with me.

I stopped writing this story for a few reasons:

1. Lack of a coherent plotline. Even though I'd planned out a few chapters in advance and had a general idea of how I wanted it to end, I didn't really have a main plot other than the romance aspect so I really struggled with coming up with scenes sometimes. Honestly main plots are always my biggest weak point lmao. I didn't like just pumping out filler chapters all the time so I kind of lost inspiration after awhile because of the constant writers block.

2. Losing my love for the HP universe. I loved HP so much growing up, it basically shaped my entire childhood and formative years. Even so, I do not endorse jk rowling or any of her horrible views. I know some people believe in separating the art from the artist, but I do not believe in that philosophy especially when the artist is living and still profiting off said art and bigoted views. While I don't think writing fanfiction is necessarily supporting her, growing up and realising what an awful person she is has really dampened my love for this series. Not just the transphobia but also the subtle racism in her books which has tainted the quality of her writing for me. If anyone reading this supports her and her views then I am explicitly telling you that you are not welcome here and you can go read something else if it bothers you.

3. I grew up. I started this story when I was 15 and I'm a full grown adult now. I'm a completely different person. My writing style, personality and maturity have evolved tremendously, so reading back what I have written there are so many parts that I cringe at and find atrocious which is why its been difficult for me to continue from where I've left off because I feel like rewriting the entire thing sometimes.

4. I have just been way too busy with life. Busy with university and a bunch of other commitments so I struggle to find time for any hobbies much less writing and updating regularly.

I was honestly shocked that people still read my books! I'm really glad that people like the story, and I know how frustrating it is when a fic you like is unfinished😞

So, the main question is am I planning on finishing this story? Honestly, I am not sure. I kind of have renewed inspiration for it and a rough plot idea but its very bare-bones and I would hate to give anyone false hope (even though I'm not sure if anyone's still gonna read this after so long). Additionally, I'm still really busy with my final year rn ahhh. My guess is I might publish a new chapter here and there if I manage to write any but theres no guarantee I'll actually finish it haha.

There are also some things about the story that I feel I should clarify!

First of all, I've noticed comments about stuff that James has said or did in the story that is misogynistic, like slutshaming Olivia and also stealing her first kiss without consent. I am in no way endorsing any of these actions. The main reason I wrote it like that is because I wanted to portray a more accurate view of what I think the marauders would have been like in school. They are teenage boys in the 70s. I know people like to HC them as being super respectful cinnamonrolls but to be fair its really not far-fetched to imagine them being complete sexist prats at some point (This is even canon, they were arrogant bullies as teens). But like all humans, they can grow.

Like when James is being sexist or mean to Olivia, its not from a place of pure malice but just how typical boys act because of how they are socialised (Sad truth). And you can see there's some points where this behaviour is more pronounced, like when he loses his temper or feels jealous, because that is how immature teenagers act when they haven't fully learned how to communicate or deal with their emotions. You can also see there are times he feels regretful and knows when he has said something wrong, like when he apologises during the detention. I wanted to write them as imperfect characters so I could attempt to flesh out their flaws and have character development occurring throughout the story. I also wanted to have a clear distinction between their personalities in this story and my older story, Attached (if you've read that). Like I said there's meant to be actual tension and dislike here, not just pure infatuation.

Secondly, the ships/pairings. I am not really a stickler for ships, I think there is no harm in shipping anyone you'd like if you aren't harassing people over it considering these are fictional characters with barely any canon background information. I originally wrote the story with some pairings in mind but they weren't set in stone and I was playing around with different ideas (wolfstar, lily+remus etc) I still haven't fully decided yet and might continue to play around with different ideas depending on which suits the flow of the story more. Just thought I should clarify in case you guys wonder why some relationship dynamics change in possible future chapters.

Thirdly, this story WILL be slow. If you want a fic where they get together in 10 chapters I am sorry but this is not the story for you T_T. Thats just my writing style, I really enjoy fleshing out the characters feelings so it feels more organic I guess? The pining is half the fun. (Not to mention the delicious angst).

Now for what everyone is actually waiting for.... I've decided to publish a new chapter which has been sitting in my drafts for years. However, after that I'm not sure when another chapter might come out honestly. This is still just a minor hobby unfortunately and I have a real job and other interests 😞 . I'm mostly winging it now. (I might just start a whole new story LMAO).

Thank you guys for all your comments and messages, even if i haven't manage to respond, it means so much to me❤️

BTW if I were to ever write a fic for a different fandom other than HP, what would you guys be interested in? tv shows, games, movies. Let me know, I'm open to suggestions! I'm also interested in tackling new and different writing styles. I'm also considering moving to AO3 because I frankly hate using wattpad lol.