ambivalence | james potter

nine: the aftermath

Hi if you haven't read the author's note before this chapter then please do its important!

8.17 a.m.

"I'm never touching alcohol again," James moaned as he slumped down in his seat next to Sirius at the Gryffindor table, rubbing his eyes blearily. With his hair in a haphazard mess, dark circles under his eyes and his tie sloppily done, his appearance accurately mirrored how shit he was feeling. One look at him and everyone could guess how his night had gone. 

Sirius glanced up from his food and pretended to shield his eyes in disgust. "Merlin's beard, I didn't think it was possible for you to get any uglier. Thanks for proving me wrong."

"Bugger off," James mumbled, reaching for a plate of bacon and eggs in an attempt to relieve his hangover. Placing a forkful in his mouth, he chewed for a while, swallowing before he shuddered and pushed the plate away. "I've brushed my teeth four times but I can still taste the vomit in my mouth."

Sirius rolled his eyes at his griping. If it wasn't for the full moon that night, Remus would be the one there to berate James for his poor, inebriated decisions.

"How much did you drink, exactly?"

"Honestly, no clue. I stopped counting after the sixth shot, and that was just me barely getting started."

"You're lucky you're not in St Mungos now for alcohol poisoning," Peter snorted.

A smirk flickered on Sirius' face as he caught sight of someone approaching James' back. "I don't know. Judging by the way Audrey Goldstein is walking over here, I have a feeling Prongs would prefer a trip to the hospital wing."

James barely had time to curse before their conversation was interrupted by a cheerful voice. "Morning, boys."

Sirius nodded, giving Audrey a lazy grin. "Had a good night?"

She smiled, pushing her hair behind her ears coyly. Contrary to how James felt, she looked fresh-faced and bright. "Well, it's not every day you turn 17. Speaking of last night..." She glanced towards James, her lips tilting up even more. "It was fun. We should do it again some other time."

James winced as hazy images from last night flooded his memory, making him feel even worse. He knew it had been a bad idea to snog her. He'd done it in front of everyone, in front of......Olivia. God, he was an idiot. As he racked his brain for a plausible response, his head felt like it was going to crack into two. "Look, Audrey....."

James trailed off, momentarily distracted as he spotted Olivia trudging into the Great Hall wearily. His gaze lingered on her as she sat down with Lily, looking about as hungover as he felt. She didn't even glance in his direction. James felt another pang in his gut at the sight of her.At first, there'd been the initial vindictive satisfaction of snogging Audrey in front of her, but now, it just didn't feel right. It was stupid, James knew he had the right to kiss whoever he wanted to, but he couldn't help feeling disappointed with himself. That was the thing with love, he supposed. He couldn't bring himself to want someone else. It just felt foreign and wrong.

James scowled to himself, running his hands through his hair distractedly. Was this really love then? Could he keep lying to himself? How fucked up was it, that he secretly loved a girl he wasn't even supposed to like?

It took him a while to realise that Audrey was saying something to him. "–right, James?"

He blinked, noticing the irked look etched across her features. "Um.. yeah?"